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  1. #1
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    Default Forumfall: Fiction Mayhem

    THE SERIES PREMIERE!

    FORUMFALL: FICTION MAYHEM

    Starring:

    Heroshade as Mr. General Sir Jeffry Snipes Esquire the third

    Temet Nosce As Baron Von Nosce

    Krylas as Ozzy

    Hitom as .... stoner guy

    Bruno as himself


    EPISODE ONE

    October 14th, 2008

    Somewhere in the Arizona desert

    The massive spinning disks floated slowly down to the ground, the large green crystals in the centers of each one glowed ominously. Mr. General Sir Jeffry Snipes Escquire the third stood at the window of the mansion he had siezed just days earlier, watching his men outside preparing for combat.

    Suddenly, Snipes broke the silence. "Something is amiss, Bruno." The disturbingly large German man looked up from his coloring book. "Daaaaaamn dude!" the voice was maniacal and dark. Snipes turned to the source of the voice. "Where the hell did you come from!? Bruno! Sieze him!"

    Bruno lunged towards the man, grabbing him and forcing his arm far behind his back. "Woah! Dude, I am so BLAZED right now, heh heh." Snipes approached him. "Who are you?"

    Meanwhile...

    Captain Tubesock paced in front of his troops barking orders at them. "I want those MGs set up five minutes ago! Get those sandbags up trooper! Private! Go find General Snipes and tell him our southern parameter is up and re-"

    There was a crash off in the distance, followed by a loud whooshing sounds. Several more followed until finally, there was a short moment of silence. There was a rumbling sound from the horizon. Finally, the troops could see their adversaries. "Get down!" Barked Tubesock. "Take smart shots and preserve your ammo! Don't let them get past this line!" The horde of strange creatures drew closer every second. "FIRE!"

    A hail of bullets tore away at the front lines of the massive hellspawn that was charging towards. "Oh my god..." Whispered the captain. "They aren't aliens. They're.... They're..... GD'ERS!" Some of the soldiers immediately broke formation and took off.

    Back in the mansion...

    "I'll only ask you this one more time." Snipes said harshly, ignoring the gunfire in the background. "Who ARE YOU!?" The man continued to look around aimlessly before spouting: "Okay, I'll talk. I'm uh.... uhhhhh.... Damn. I'mmmm.... Crap, I can't remember." He let out a goofy laugh, only to recieve a backhand to the face. "So be it."

    Snipes walked over to the desk and hit the intercom button. "Bring in Baron Von Nosce." He demanded. "Right away General Sir."

    Moments later, the sound of a door being smashed in could be heard. "Bruno," Snipes said, his eyes narrowing. "Bring me my axe."

    Meanwhile...
    WOLVERINES UNITE!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mordhak View Post
    I've got a decent salve for that. If you catch my drift.
    Quote Originally Posted by DarkLily View Post
    Normally dispensed by hand pump I'd imagine.
    Look into my dark side

  2. #2
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    I don't have a part????


    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAY.


    Quote Originally Posted by Methuselah View Post
    the filter is there for your protection
    Quote Originally Posted by Lethn View Post
    Fuck you I like having emotions and occasionally talking about girly things
    Date of Death: June 18, 2064.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by tallefred View Post
    I don't have a part????


    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAY.
    You can have one if you want, it's only the first episode. You have to post it though.
    WOLVERINES UNITE!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mordhak View Post
    I've got a decent salve for that. If you catch my drift.
    Quote Originally Posted by DarkLily View Post
    Normally dispensed by hand pump I'd imagine.
    Look into my dark side

  4. #4
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    and then the heroic Tallefred came and saved the day. The end.


    Quote Originally Posted by Methuselah View Post
    the filter is there for your protection
    Quote Originally Posted by Lethn View Post
    Fuck you I like having emotions and occasionally talking about girly things
    Date of Death: June 18, 2064.

  5. #5
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    Meanwhile...
    LOCATION: Aboard Alien ship Brokeback, holding cell I-69
    "And that is why Antonio Banderas is the sexiest actor of the 90's" Ozzy typed in the Linux computer he had stolen from the "Failed Human Inventions" section of the ship and hooked up to the Alien's internet. He closed down his blog, which had recently doubled in hits ever since he started stealing articles from Cracked.com.

    Leaving his 'computer', Ozzy turned to his bed, which was shaped in what could be called an "W", but built by a kid with downs syndrome. This made it awkward to lie in, and Ozzy often regretted letting himself be abducted by Aliens with such little understanding of the human body. Climbing under the sheets, he was just about to make himself comfortable (or as much as you can be while lying on top of a particularly sharp member of the alphabet) when his 'computer' started playing a recording of him singing along to R-Kelley's "Trapped in the Closet", signifying an email message. Groaning, he dragged himself over to the screen, and ran the message through his english translator.

    From: Leiutenent (Name untranslatable)
    Subject: Damnit, this ends now!
    Comrades, it has come to my attention that someone among us is queer. Not queer in the sense of a retired rodeo clown running a daycare, but in every other sense of the word.
    Whoever this is, all I ask of you is to please, stop streaming videos of two male Humans fornicating. If you have to see these videos, download them so that we may study their sexual organs (Our scientists have a new theory: The pole extending out from the male species acts as a conductor, and friction causes the formation of static electricity, which is why they become stiff).
    Also, it's slowing down my download of "The Notebook".
    That is all.

    Ozzy giggled and shut down the computer. The leiutenant shall never see one of the great romantic comedies of our time, he vowed. He relished the small victories.
    Last edited by Krylas; 10-16-2008 at 06:18.
    Survived the JTT epidemic 10/18/08

  6. #6
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    Someone needs to make me a part/put me in theirs...
    Perhaps a crazy rapist
    Manliest of men

  7. #7
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    Can someone tell me whether or not these walls of text are worthwhile.


    +1

  8. #8
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    tl;dr? Make it shorter!
    “Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.”


  9. #9
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    meanwhile BlackVolgan was on the moon fighting a dragon

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackVolgan View Post
    meanwhile BlackVolgan was on the moon fighting a dragon
    See! This is awesome, Concise and straight to the point. Did you win?


    +1

  11. #11
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    (Right, this may suck. I'm completely fucking wasted to the point that I no longer can tell how wasted I am. Brownies are good for your wastedness and bad for your telling. That said, I'll post this anyways, so fuck you. Whoever you are. Yes. You.)

    In a distant part of the mansion a pleasant faced face dressed impeccably in the latest fashion with his sleeves up his arms pushes his glasses upwards on his face slightly then grimaces faintly in distaste as a smudge appears on his vision, he contemplates it for a second then returns to glaring down at a red mess in front of him in irritation and mutters "Really, these foul beings could at least be similar enough to humanity to be able to predict when blood will squirt... They make terrible art, truly terrible..."

    Continuing in this vein for several minutes the man mutters to himself until he hears a throat cleared behind him, and he turns around to see a wide eyed young man dressed in a beautiful white uniform behind him, the young man opens his mouth to speak but is cut off suddenly by the Baron with a brilliant smile "Wonderful, wonderful, do come here.", the young man blanches but marches over stiffly, at which point the Baron begins wiping the blood off his hands on the mans uniform and observes cheerfully "Genius idea of Snipe's dressing you army minion things... whatever they call your rank anyways in cleaning cloth.", the man opens and closes his mouth several times but finally wisely waits until the Baron says, "Oh, yes, what was it that brought you here? I doubt Snipe's anticipated I needed a cloth, then again I wouldn't put it past him...", the man gulps slightly and straightens in his now filthy uniform while the Baron examines his nails with a preoccupied air "The General requests your presence My Lord, I believe he has an um, guest for you.", Baron Von Nosce's eyes light up and he casually reaches over with his now spotless hands and shoves the ruin of a body off the table then begins cleaning them on the soldier's uniform again "Marvelous! Well, you just go ahead and clean up this mess for me." then absently wanders off, leaving the young man alone with the corpse and his... toys.

    Several minutes later the Baron begins humming as he arrives at the more inhabited sections of the mansion and eyeing people with a disturbingly clinical and pleased air, causing them to shy away from him. When one particularly frightened individual actually takes several steps away staring at him, the Baron flashes a brilliant smile at her and comments "Your quadriceps femoris is very well developed.", before moving on as she turns and flees.

    Eventually he wanders into Snipe's office, seeming rather preoccupied for the moment.

  12. #12
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    Back on The Brokeback...
    Waking at around 12:00 Earth time, Ozzy slipped out of his unlocked cell and made his way to his favorite spot on the ship: A small balcony from which he could view the entire operation. Watching as hundreds of human slaves were prodded either there posts or the labs where they were given what was referred to as an "Alien Physical". Ozzy wouldn't admit it to himself, but that did sound enticing, despite the screams coming from behind the locked doors.

    He wondered why he was never made to work, examined, and why all his cellmates were distorted household appliances. Also, he began to think about the way he was enabled to basically walk the ship freely, as his door was kept unlocked. He dwelled on the subject for no less than 2 minutes before turning back to visit the vending machine and watch the TV he had found in the "Potential Earth Leaders" room.

    He was deep into his 4th episode of "Sex in the City", and engaged in a heated discussion with a toaster with a drawn- on lipstick face when the train of thought that had before entered his head on the balcony once again made its way into his mind. Mostly just the part about "Alien Physicals". Realizing that he couldn't live this way forever, a forgotten prisoner on a somewhat retarted Alien's ship. Why hadn't he sought to find more of his captors? He glanced back at the TV, which had inexplicably changed to VH1.

    He had a choice to make, "One that will evidently change the path of the universe!" he thought.
    Investigate the ship further, or stay for VH1's 100 best child stars.
    It might have been the most incredible decision of his life, had it not been made for him. He had got a glimpse of the show advertisement, and saw that Lindsey Lohan was number 9.
    Disgusted, he stormed out of his cell, muttering to himself about Donny Osmond.
    Survived the JTT epidemic 10/18/08

  13. #13
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    I'm rooting for snipes...he needs the moral support.

  14. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by surGeonFFS View Post
    See! This is awesome, Concise and straight to the point. Did you win?
    only vs the dragon
    Quote Originally Posted by Sprite
    Your signature has been noted to be extraordinarily violent by several users, I agree. Please change it. =[

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Layedballer View Post
    Someone needs to make me a part/put me in theirs...
    Perhaps a crazy rapist
    You can kidnap Bruno if you want :/

    Part incoming.
    WOLVERINES UNITE!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mordhak View Post
    I've got a decent salve for that. If you catch my drift.
    Quote Originally Posted by DarkLily View Post
    Normally dispensed by hand pump I'd imagine.
    Look into my dark side

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