Deaths Chill, Romance Ph.D
The only thing they care about is that their grant money are well invested. So you must show you REALLY want to do research for at least the next 5 years (or even better, the rest of your life) and nothing else. Just write something epic along these lines with a dash of humor.
You get extra points for showing you are an intelligent individual with steady habits (they don't like flimsy people as you might bail on them before the 5 years are up).
But be careful with the intelligence bit. Show too much and their ego gets hurt. These guys are huge walking egos.
Best way to go about it is to wrap it up in a package of pure adoration towards anyone and anything that is (at least in eyes of the old world) your academic senior. That makes your research advisers feel well assured that you will assiduously and loyally slave for them a couple of epic papers (remember their name gets added to your published work even if they didn't do shit).
P.S.: I come from the branch of High Energy Astrophysics. Rest assured I got out from that cesspool long time ago. Make your own business, pile up the money and use it to finance your own research, contribute to humanity. Much more efficient.
Having a ph.d in forumfall is like having a big nose in nazi germany.
I appreciate your post greatly; I take everything you said into mind.
Servant of the Great Beard