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Valic
10-30-2008, 05:16 AM
--EXCAVATION OF SUNKEN TEMPLE--
(Part 2)

My name is Lassur Istražite, I am a Human explorer for the Tumarati. This is my personal record of our decent into the Cave of Jungles, Yssam region.

-Day 59

After two months of wandering through what seemed to be an endless jungle, we have found a great temple. It appears to be increasingly aged, due to the vegetation wrapping around the great structure. My team and I have decided to camp outside the looming giant until dawn, at least then we will get some light to see our surroundings.
Yet I cannot sleep. This ancient building seems to give off an eerie glow, something seems to draw me closer to it's core. It is as if the structure were somehow alive itself, but trapped. The more I stare at it, the more it draws me in. I should really rest, there's no telling what lies in store for me when the sun shines through the cave walls.

-Day 60

Today we packed up our gear and supplies and entered the enormous temple. As soon as we pried open the heavy, stone door we were greeted by a cool rush of air. Many of the men stumbled backwards, expecting there to be a fatal trap lying in wait. But upon entering the tomb we found it to be completely abandoned, void of any life whatsoever. Also we found hieroglyphics etched into the ancient walls, many of which oddly seemed understandable to our eyes.
We all agreed to rest in a large chamber, yet I still could not rest my eyes. I spent hour after hour studying the hieroglyphics, putting together their meanings. So far I have uncovered this much:

"and thus the Arhanđeo morphed the realms to their liking, raising mountains with the upward thrust of a finger."

The meaning of this is still an enigma to me.

-Day 63

We've been wandering this endless maze for three days now, it seems that each time we turn a corner, the temple itself changes, as if it wanted us to be trapped forever in this maze of ancient halls. Today we lost two men to a gruesome trap set in place by whatever beings built this tomb. They said they saw a golden figure crossing a long hallway, as they ran toward the mysterious shade they fell into a pit. There wasn't the slightest scream or gasp as they fell to their deaths. But the real strange thing about it was that the pit was as if it went of forever.

-Day 64

Not much to report today, what we thought was a way out or at least an answer to this endless puzzle just lead us in a complete circle. Although we found something quite interesting, it was a footprint. This print was much larger than the normal foot of a Human, or even an Ork or Mahirim; even if it was from a plated boot. This footprint was fresh too, something, or someone, is in here with us.

-Day 66

I pray to the gods now as I sit here, gripping a bleeding wound while trapped in a chamber of this bastard temple. My team and I, or at least what was left of it, finally braved this dammed place, or so we thought. We came to a great hall filled with the finest jewels and gems. The shine of the treasure was nearly blinding, but that didn't stop my companions from collecting as much as possible. I, on the other hand, was not interested in minor pleasures, for I had my mind set on the center of the hall. On a golden stand there lay a large purple shard of unknown crystal, it gleaming a violate glow. Little did I know then what horrors were caused by that shard.
As I delicately grabbed the holy stone and lifted it from its mantle, I heard a voice that felt as if a thousand needles pierced my heart. It echoed a barrage of words in a very unknown tongue that shook the corridors. And then as suddenly as it started it ceased. An eerie calm fell over the temple. For a moment I thought we were safe, but then my most horrible nightmares came to life. The walls oozed a dark liquid as a white mist filled the room. This dark liquid slithered over the floor into many separated puddles. From these puddles crawled out disgusting, gruesome creatures. They looked like the jackles from the surface, yet they were missing skin. They were made up of pure muscle and bone.
These beasts lunged at my team and I, killing many in the first few seconds. I gripped the stone with all my might and ran out of the hall. I ran for a long time until I reached a dead end, as I turned to try to find another way out I found the entrance to be blocked by a large door, impossible to be able to be moved my any mortal hand.

So now I, Lassur Istražite, son of Crosunas, lay in a ancient temple. Destined to bleed to death gripping a large, purple crystal that, even though doomed me and killed my companions, still I hold as if it were my own son. Something about this temple is very evil, something that should never be disturbed.

~Journal of Lassur Istražite.


((Criticism please))

StingDJ9
10-30-2008, 05:58 AM
i like it man...cool stuff. But some of the grammar/sentence structure is a bit off. Kinda wordy in some places, ex.) "I ran for a long time until I reached a dead end, as I turned to try to find another way out I found the entrance to be blocked by a large door, impossible to be able to be moved my any mortal hand." why not something like this: "I ran for a long time until I reached a dead end. I turned to try and find another way out, but I found that the entrance was blocked by a large door - immovable by any mortal hand." ?

stuff just like that, but i really like the story...so mysterious...more plz :)
and btw, go read my story in the RP section xD

b0mb3r
10-30-2008, 01:06 PM
Great tale! Congratulations!

Valic
10-30-2008, 02:18 PM
i like it man...cool stuff. But some of the grammar/sentence structure is a bit off. Kinda wordy in some places, ex.) "I ran for a long time until I reached a dead end, as I turned to try to find another way out I found the entrance to be blocked by a large door, impossible to be able to be moved my any mortal hand." why not something like this: "I ran for a long time until I reached a dead end. I turned to try and find another way out, but I found that the entrance was blocked by a large door - immovable by any mortal hand." ?

stuff just like that, but i really like the story...so mysterious...more plz :)
and btw, go read my story in the RP section xD


Thanks man, I had a feeling that sentence was off, I just couldn't think of another way of putting it at the time.

TatersAndTots
10-30-2008, 02:46 PM
gg man i like it! Kinda reminds me of what my character would do... dugeon divin and all. He;d prolly die there too... and since this aint wow I cant hearth :(

ejnomad07
11-03-2008, 07:56 AM
((Criticism please))

Well really I can't this was really good.