creative writing

[Mushushu]

so learning from my last time I tried to post this, I guess ill explain a little background from the origin of this story.

When wow first came out in beta I got a chance to play it on my friends account, and the game gave me the idea to write a story about our char we play to form the basis of the rp guild we were in; candrid is the warlock, sesma is a paladin, amelech is a druid, wayloren is a mage, and myself i play a hunter.

Now that we finally stopped playing wow I feel the need to post this story i made so long ago, and view the critisism of my equals/peers/people who write better then me. i know im not the greatest of writers, I know microsoft word says a retard with no brain could write more competently. but im happy with it. and that all that matters to me in the end.

so please enjoy, flame, hate , or love away. (or any others i missed :D)

[Tiarilir]

in before the read

[Mushushu]

Takana

The sun was just cresting over the treetops as Takana awoke from a short rest. Since Candrid had sent her to find these ‘stones,’ she could only imagine what powers they held. She quietly descended the canopy overlaying this forested area and proceeded to where her master would be waiting for her. She stopped for a moment to see if Sesma was awake, and saw the shadowed outline of her thin frame only a few paces behind her in the brush. “What are you doing?” I asked her. “Oh, I’m looking for breakfast. You can’t run around in these woods with an empty stomach.” She continued to scan the ground as she spoke on. “There was a brown bear hear only a moment ago.” How big?” I asked. “Only three times my size, a small one.” Good, the master does not like to be kept waiting.”

I started off in the direction that she pointed; her tracking skills far outclassing my own. Hers though, she got from waking facedown in the dirt after being thrown out of nearby pubs. Sesma took a swig from her wineskin, most likely filled with some brew that they use to embalm bodies, or at least the equivalent of that potency. She started off at a brisk run, following the trail the bear left behind. I trailed behind her, bow at the ready, and my twin blades loose in their sheaths. I saw her stop, and then I noticed the bear about fifteen feet ahead of us as I crouched low behind a tree. Sesma continued in a deliberate slow motion, determined to either sneak up behind it, or circle around it. She never got the chance.

The ground exploded as the earth itself lifted up around us and the now very frightened bear. In the same moment, I noticed the shape coming from directly above us, as flames began to appear as if from the air itself, I began to wonder how hungry I really was. I decided to jump to the nearest tree, just as the ground again exploded in a burning ball of fire. I could not see Sesma anywhere at the moment nor did I care as I watched a huge red dragon descend on the now smoldering corpse of the bear. I noticed Sesma running toward the dragon, with her dark paladin sword drawn and pointed toward the beast. She ran behind it as it sunk its teeth into the corpse of the bear, it was intending to fly away with its food. Sesma struck it in its left wing tearing a hole that I could see clearly from my position. I aimed for its eyelid when it turned around to growl at her with its mouth partially open and dripping flames. She blocked the fireball with her shield, and at that moment my three arrows struck home, two in the eye and one in the eyelid. It screamed in pain and reared its head, spewing fire into the air. I shot this time for its wounded wing scoring a hit on the wound. It rolled up its wings to protect them from further damage, and then lumbered toward me. I jumped out of the tree, put up my bow, and simultaneously drew my swords in an instant. I just barely dodged a fireball when Sesma again attacked the dragon, this time going for its legs. She managed to get up close, and I jumped in front of it to get its attention. Before she could strike though, its tail came up from behind, and pulled her into the air and then flung her into a tree. I watched the tree splinter where she impacted it and saw her go limp from the obvious pain she must be feeling. I again switched to my bow, and released my strongest attack on it while it was distracted. The sky darkened considerably as my arrows filled the sky, and descended like a silent death upon the dragon. I smiled with great satisfaction as the dragon noticed the arrows descending upon him and his one eye became wide with fear. My arrows struck without mercy, as they should, and shredded his wings and then pinned him to the ground. He began to bleed out of the many holes in his hide, my magical arrows were too powerful to be stopped by mere Dragonhide. I walked a few paces but stopped short when I noticed an angry Sesma standing near the pinned dragon and chanting some spell. As the spell neared its completion, the clouds darkened and began to thunder and rain. I could hear her clearly now, as if the howling wind itself repeated her voice; "Darkness from twilight, crimson from blood that flows; buried in the flow of time; in Thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness! Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess! DRAGU SLAVE!!" Sesma then clapped her hands together, and a giant stream of red fire came out of her hands, slammed into the dragon, and then blew up the whole area in a 100 ft circle.

As the smoke cleared, I noticed I was upside down, and laying on some downed trees. I picked myself up, and began to look for the remains of the beast, since they are worth a good amount to the right person. I suddenly found myself in the center, and sadly all I could find that remained of the dragon, was its head. “I wonder if Sesma survived.” I asked myself as I moved the head out from the brush to inspect it. As I did so I noticed a boot lying just behind it, but no Sesma. “Could you hand that to me, this spell was a little stronger then I thought it would be.” I turned and handed her the boot. “So where on earth did you learn that spell, I thought all you new were anti-paladin spells.” “Well I found this scroll some days ago; I was tracking some kid named Lina. To make the long story short, this was the only one that survived after I burned her body. She was very irritating.” She then began to tie the dragons head onto her backpack. “Well we’ve wasted enough time here; let’s head to the meeting spot.” I motioned for her to follow, and she easily flung the backpack on her shoulders, even with the head on it. “Ya know what though?” “What?” I asked her, “that spell got me pretty excited, we should hurry to our camp so I can satisfy all my needs.” She said this with a big smile, and then trotted ahead. I nodded to myself, knowing full well that we would do just that.


End?

[Mushushu]

so i apologize about the big wall o' text there, i just couldnt see a good spot to space it. and i loathe to change something i wrote so long ago

[Bensidhe]

I think this belongs in the RP section actually. Most of the art works seen here are of the finearts/image manipulation ( Visual ) variety.

[alfaroverall]

Not bad. Some typoes and grammar errors, and kind of simple overall, but not bad overall. At the least it kept me interested until the end.

But yes, this should be in the RP section.

[Mushushu]

well can i request this be moved?

[Bensidhe]

Yup, just send a note to a moderator:)