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Malishan
05-20-2006, 11:05 AM
This is the beginnings of a story I started tonight for the heck of it... I don't get inspired very often so I'm not sure if I'll continue, but lemme know what you think. It's not too action packed yet. It's also not set in Agon, but I guess it could be adapted to it, if I knew more about the lore.

-------------------------
"Can I tell you a story?"

Fel glanced around at the man that had sat down moments before at the table behind his own. He was somewhat annoyed. "Are you some kind of bard? You don't look the part."

"Don't I?" the man smiled back at him, seeming to eye the platter on Fel's table.

"Much too sensible looking, and a bit old to be entrancing the ladies I think." Fel snatched a venison rib from his platter and began to gnaw it, hoping to discourage more idle banter. No one had ever accused him of being sociable, but he was no hard man, not among those he called friends.

The man laughed kindly. "No, I suppose I don't look it, and indeed I am not, though when I was younger I did have a bit of luck with the ladies. Sadly I have to say that was probably more about my position than my charm. But I do have a story to tell, and I'd like to tell it to you, if you have a moment.

Fel was starting to warm up to the stranger, despite himself. He seemed like more than most of the younger businessmen and merchants that passed through this waystop town in the wild. All they had to talk about was their latest aquisitions, or new plans to strike it rich, how the prices were so high for this or that, or which famous whore they had slept with in the big city. Fel reached across the table and slid his pack and blades off to the floor.

"If you must tell it, sit over here, my neck grows weary."

"My name is Rend, and I thank you, I think you will find my story interesting, but it will not weary your ears long, unless you want to hear more." Rend sat smiling for a moment then helped himself to a glass of wine from fel's jug. He grinned as Fel chuckled and shook his head. "Yes thats me, a bard and a beggar, and a bold one at that! But I will buy your supper for your patience."

"I suppose you know some of this land's history, so I will spare some details. You surely know that some 100 years ago a king in the royal line of Agen fell in love with an elven woman and was exiled by his council, who said that such love was treason. This was the opportunity they had sought, for our people than had much less trust for the elven kind than they do now. Some people today say that the council even arranged for this elven girl to come and enchant our king, so they could replace him with one that would rule more unto their liking. My friends know this to be true, for our families are decended from councilmen who remained in heart toward King Gerard, but feared for their lives."

Fel was sitting silently now, a half chewed rib in his hands and a quizzical look on his face. This was not the humurous anecdote he had expected at all, and he said so.

"How does this relate to you? Quite directly actually." Rend paused to enjoy fel's puzzled frown. "You see, after the elven temptress deserted him a month into their journey into the eastern wilds, Gerard's life did not end. The enchantment faded, and eventually he came to a mountain village, where he met and married a human woman who bore him a son. That son was your father."

"I'm quite sure I don't beleive you, and why would you even tell me now?"

Rend's face sagged with sudden weariness, and then he went on. "I know that he is dead now, but I knew your father, and I met your grandfather when I was very young. Those who remained loyal to your father's father found him, and kept in quiet contact these past generations. Your elders were good men, and strong. Would you mind stepping outside? It would be better to talk of this elsewhere, but bring the wine of course!"

Fel somehow trusted this man, and he wasn't quite sure why. It felt as if he somehow knew him, but the face he could not place. He buckled on his blades, shouldered his pack, and watched as Rend payed the Innkeeper. The Innkeeper waved a friendly goodbye and watched them walk outside into the night. A cool autumn wind blew through the evergreens as they walked away. Fel lead them off the two track road down a small path towards the river and his small camp not far away. He wasn't taking this seriously, but he was curious to hear more of what the man had to say. After walking a short while, they arrived, struck up a fire, and rend continued his seemingly well rehearsed speech.

"As it goes with corrupt plans, the treacherous councilmen's devices did not last. Their token king became entrenched in his position, and his power grew to become real. Those councilmen died as the pawns they sought to make, and the king's son was stronger yet when he took the throne where he still sits. You know that he is a cruel king, but he was a strong general. He brought this land we are in now into the kingdom, and much more, but he is old now, and he will die without an heir. There will be bloodshed when..."

"You want me to be a king, is that what this is?" Fel laughed aloud, echoing through the trees. He had finished a goodly portion of the wine since leaving the tavern, and was beginning to find this all rather funny.

"Yes, we do. The councilmen have been somewhat humbled these past years, though they are still far from honest men. They have not fallen far from their fathers tree, but those of us that remained true have convinced them that a return of the line of Agen would be to everyone's advantage. A throne up for grabs without an honest claim would likely split this kingdom into many parts, after much blood. But you are a legitimate heir. You look the part, in fact you are the part, and we have evidence to prove it. We revealed to the other councilmen that the house of Agen is still alive, and they know this is their only choice." Rend snatched the jug, took a swig of what was left, then set it behind him.

Fel glared at it somewhat angrily, but afterall, the man had payed for it. He drew his dagger and proceeded to fiddle with it. This wasn't quite so funny anymore. What was he to make of it? He didn't beleive that Rend was a common highwayman out to con him of gold he didn't have. Could this really be true? His father was a quiet man, but surely he would have said something about this!

"I'm no king, I'm just a woodsman and a hunter, sometimes a hunter of men, but I cannot lead men into battle, much less deal with the frippery of royal society and the pompous asses that run it. What could you possibly expect?"

"We know this, and indeed neither the council nor the people would accept you as you are. The king has some few years left, and we likely have time before we must present you. We have time to prepare, and we have a plan. First you will serve with our southern legion, and you will make a name for yourself there. You will be placed with and surrounded by men hand picked from our best, and some hired but trustworthy, all men from families loyal to the Agen line. You must do this! This ring is yours, as is this chain."

Rend reached into his coat and produced am engraved golden ring, and an amulet on a fine silver chain. The amulet was silver also, embedded with a riderless rearing horse of black diamonds. "That is the symbol of your house. You must wear it always, but wear it hidden for now. The ring had best be put away somewhere safe, perhaps on the chain, it is stronger than steel and will not break. I have said enough for tonight. I must go now, but I will send word within the month."

"This chain will be my noose" said Fel sourly, but he did not refuse it. Perhaps he was afterall bored with this life and was meant for something more. Mostly he trusted Rend, beyond all reasoning. He stared at the moonlit river and up through the tall firs at the stars, as the strange man walked away into the night.

***

A week later Rend sat at council in the city of Enwir with nine men, smiling his calm smile around the table as they questioned him. He answered quickly, summing up everything they wanted to hear.

"Yes, this man will do, above all the subjects I searched out. He fits the descriptions most strikingly, and he is young and foolish enough to mold to our taste without questions. He does not desire to lead, but finds no objection to living in luxury. After his training the people will love him." He affected a sly grin and continued. "And so will we!"

The council went on until the lamps burned low, and when it was done, Rend walked out and breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

RavenLord
05-20-2006, 01:59 PM
very nice, Mal!
If you continue it, you

Malishan
05-20-2006, 05:24 PM
haha I doubt it but thanks! :)

Raybur Ravenloc
05-20-2006, 08:22 PM
heh, i've readmuch worse out of a bookstore...

Kyrandos
05-20-2006, 10:44 PM
"The council went on until the lamps burned low, and when it was done, Rend walked out and breathed a quiet sigh of relief.
"

Suddenly an arrow zipped out of no where and pierced Rend's heart. He slumped over lifeless, dead as can be.

Moments later, the entire place was swarming with Mercs.

Looks like we won again!

Stark
05-20-2006, 10:50 PM
Oh shit, not Mercs.

Malishan
05-20-2006, 11:33 PM
Haha well this wasn't going to be a RP add your own paragraph story. I could write in the mercs but I don't think they'd win in this one. Thats why its just a story huh?

Metrobius
05-21-2006, 02:34 AM
Nice writing. I like the way you through us off with the lost hier thing then brought out the true scam.

Raybur Ravenloc
05-21-2006, 05:27 AM
you sure its a scam? is it the poor guy at the bar being scammed or the rest of the council? :rolleyes:
oh and i say you write in the Mercs and have them all castrated...

Malishan
05-21-2006, 12:23 PM
lol :) I'll have all the mercs sing in a Eunuch choir at Fel's coronation ceremony.

Chungo
05-21-2006, 01:49 PM
Nah, just have theMercs be part of the army that Fel becomes part of, however, all they are hired to do is dig the privvies and such.

Nice Story!

Xemise
05-22-2006, 06:33 AM
Good stuff. I enjoyed

Malishan
05-22-2006, 08:25 AM
Heres the next installment :)

************


The day after meeting Rend, Fel awoke to a fine mid-morning sun, and a black bear snuffing at the base of the tree where his provisions hung from the low branches. Fel rose and stretched, then stepped to the river to splash his face in the icy water.

It was a good day, and he'd slept a long while thanks to the wine.

"I'll be traveling soon, and I might just need some jerky for the trip." The bear looked at him and then back up at the pack and hanging kill that was just out of reach, seeming to grin at the warning. Fel laughed and went back to the inn for a bit of breakfast, taking his blades, bow, and quiver with him. The pack and his other gear would still be there when he returned, he didn't need them just now anyway, he had something to take care of before Rend sent word. Something that required him to travel light.

Over a breakfast of last night's stew at the inn, Fel thought again of his talk with Rend. He knew that his decision was chosen, and that he would do what Rend asked, but he wondered why the compulsion was so strong. Why was he interested at all in being in the middle of the arrogant, sniveling, and self serving people that the politics of a kingdom would surely put him in? These were the type of people and places he had spent his life avoiding, from his very birth. Before now he'd had no interest in leading men, not a garrison of soldiers, and certainly not a kingdom. Could it be because the opportunity had never presented itself on such a scale? Was it that nothing was worth doing if it wasn't done to this full extent? Did Rend enchant him with some magic that bent him to his will, made him even believe that it was not all a strange lie, and that Rend was not a raving lunatic? No, he was somehow quite sure that none of these were the case. He was sure though that this council intended him to be their pawn, and that he would not allow that to happen. His father had taught him to be no mans lapdog.

Fel thanked the innkeep for the breakfast, walked out, and turned his mind to the business at hand. He never paid here, as the innkeep valued a certain few of his past services. Today he had another to perform. This tiny mountain village was little more than the inn and a few outbuildings, a waystop for merchants on route to larger cities, and for trappers that came from the mountains around to hawk their furs. The innkeep would often keep the furs on consignment until traders made their way through. Fel had another kind of fur to collect, and heads to go with it. It was a dirty business, but one he didn't have to do often, despite the lack of any patrol by the king's men. This mountian pass was a rough path and a shortcut, not the only way into the eastern lands. When some small bit of banditry did set itself up on this road, it was a bane to the trade the innkeeper enjoyed, and Fel enjoyed his gratitude for taking care of such problems more than once.

He'd scouted the men's camp some days before, and had since been preparing his attack. There were seven of them that he had seen, and they seemed content to spend their days lolling about their camp, drinking stolen wine and inventorying their latest gains. He'd heard them talking of staying for a few more weeks, before retiring to more civilized areas for the winter and selling loot. Unknowingly and unluckily for them, one of their quarry had escaped and told his tale. They hadn't hit every merchant that went through on the path not more than 100 yards from their fire, and so it was possible that they could have been here for quite some time. With a grim face, Fel set out to make sure their luck ran out further.

He headed west down the track for a mile, and then off it for several more, keeping the path in sight and looking for the several points where the theives had set their watchpoints. He hoped to catch one or more of them at watch alone, rather than dealing with them all in thier camp at once, but they didn't seem to man their posts every day, perhaps because of their taste for wine. If he could single out the watchmen, then he'd strike the rest immediately, before they suspected anything was amiss. Otherwise he'd have to hit their camp at night, for taking seven men in broad daylight alone would be a stretch for his skills. He hoped it would not come to that. His plan called best for daylight hours, and he had no taste for slitting a mans throat as he slept, nor could any fight in the dark be a sure thing. When it was dark beneath these tall firs, it was very dark, and the silence belied even the stealthiest approach.

He was nearing the camp now, and all usual posts had thusfar been unmanned. The last was just ahead. Surely these men would be eager for at least one last kill, emboldened now that they knew they would soon be gone from these hills and safely away? Yes. Down the hill and near the path he spied a man slumped against a rock, at watch if you could call it that. Most traders would not travel quietly with carts and tack, so the watchman really didn't need to see the road. This man might even be asleep, but there was no taking any chance. Fel stole in closer and quickly put an arrow through the rogue's head. It made a sharp thwack as it struck the stone behind it, and Fel winced. This was too close to the camp for comfort, but still not likely that it had been heard. He drug the corpse away back up the hill and let it slide down the other side. Onward he went, circling the camp widely to find the western watchmen. This next man was somewhat more alert, but further from his friends.

Fel went a good way past him, stashed his bow and all but one blade, then walked the road back. He pulled his cloak over his head, and walked slowly with a limp, and a hunch in his back. A lone old man would be too easy a victim for the watchman to pass up. They'd surely laugh at him if he ran back to camp to gather them for ambush. With his eyes downcast but wary, Fel began to whistle a sad tune of lost love.

"Lonely up here in these mountians, ain't it old man?" said a menacing voice from behind as he passed.

Fel stopped in his tracks without turning as he heard the man approach. "Do you know my old tune then?" Fel said in a raspy old voice. The bandit took a step closer, and Fel whirled, stepping in to put a blade in the mans heart before he could even raise his sword. Complete shock crossed the dying mans face as he slumped to the road.

"No, I don't think you do."

Raybur Ravenloc
05-22-2006, 12:49 PM
excellent..

Chungo
05-22-2006, 01:26 PM
More...

Nefariousah
05-22-2006, 04:25 PM
I loved it! :D

Quaestor
06-01-2006, 01:29 AM
A most impressive beginning. I won't try to offer much here, as a full-blown professional critique is a very involved job, with questionable value at this point. Suffice to say, this is no amateurish rambling.

Keep in mind, this posting does constitute prior publication, so beyond the excercise, this work is not likely to go anywhere with publishers, but hey, you got to develop skills and ideas somehow. :)

LanMandragon
06-01-2006, 09:26 AM
Certainly fun to read.

No need for a critique, as this is a forum.

Please continue.

Malishan
06-01-2006, 09:53 AM
Well thanks for the encouragement, this won't likely be anything serious anyway :) If I knew more about Darkfall's lore I'd make it fit in better with it. I might have to do some research, since alot of my upcoming ideas do have to do with Darkfall, or at least with some of the races that live in agon -the Alfar, Orcs, and Mahirim at least. I wrote a bit more today...

*******

Fel had to smile as he disposed of his second victim. His friends and not so friendly aquaintences had always said there was a touch of madness in him, and perhaps his solitary adventures and their sometimes risky methods reinforced that point. He could not deny the pleasure he felt this moment in decieving the scum, and in taking him face to face, much moreso than with his previously silent and stealthy kill. A cold strength filled his heart as he retrieved his weapons and made his way back to the highwaymen's camp. He was not quite so mad yet that he would attempt a head on attack with five healthy men still to be dealt with. There was much skulking left to be done, despite his preferences and present sense of invulnerability.

He took up a position he had chosen earlier, midway up the hill overlooking the camp. The men were stirring a pot and talking quietly around their low fire, but there were only four!

"No matter", thought Fel, "One less to deal with just now." But still, the idea of the missing man's return at an importune time was worrisome. There was nothing to be done with it now.

He took aim at the brigands largest target, inhaling as he drew. The arrow flew well and struck the right shoulder. Not a killing shot, but better than a miss! Quickly Fel sidestepped behind his tree and ran low and quietly to his next chosen stand, as the camp erupted into chaos. The wounded man reeled in pain as he screamed, pointing with his good arm in the direction his assailant must have been. Two men ran that way as another sought cover and scanned the surrounding trees, trembling in panic.

This was going even easier than Fel could have expected. He heard a satisfying snap and an accompanying wail as one of the two men stumbled onto the crude iron traps he'd placed earlier below his first stand. Much shuffling was heard as the other hurriedly retreated, leaving his fellow to writhe in pain.

"Help me get it off, you dolt! I'll have your guts out! Miserable bastard!"

Fel was quite sure that all of them were now wishing they had departed this area sooner, and again he smiled. Out in plain view now, he drew his bow again and put arrows in both remaining unscathed men, then drew his blades and strode calmly into camp.

Feebly they tried to notch their own arrows, spitting blood and curses. The large man circled warily, clumsily holding a dagger in his left hand while his weapon arm hung limp. Wounded or not, his defiant look whispered that this was not a man to be trifled with.

"You have us, there is no need to kill us all, and there is much gold to share." It was likely this man was their leader, as despite the circumstances he spoke well, and neither of the two beside him looked to question the offer.

Fel ignored him and spoke to the other two. "If he is the man that got you into this mess, kill him and I'll let you live, if the shafts in you are so kind." Greedy men rarely miss an opportunity to save their own skin, and Fel had read them well.

The man nearest the leader warily edged away, clearly in no shape to make any such move, but a glint of desperation shone the other's eye. With a yell he drew steel and charged his former friend, his sword arm still strong. Not surpisingly, the big man's deceptively weak looking left arm cut out the traitors throat, but he took a wicked gash in so doing. Neither arm would ever be the same again, and he howled in anger. Fel silenced him with single thrust. The last man fell now to the ground, weak and pleading for his life.

"No healer in these parts can save you from that arrow, but I will spare you as I promised." He knew this was no favor, for the bandit's end would not be a pleasant one. Few deaths were worse than the ones that came from a rotting gut wound. "You have much wine to ease your pain, I suggest you get to drinking."

The strength Fel had felt earlier was now fading, and the grim aftermath of his deeds now weighed heavily on him. Deserving or not, these were men. There were much worse things in the world that needed killing, and the world had need of rough men such as these to do it. Unfortunately such men often turned to the easy way of quick profits. Fel turned his back, not having the heart to finish the dying man or the one still squirming in his trap. He'd free himself soon enough and hobble his own way, hopefully to a better life with better friends than those that lay now dead and dying.

Fel's cheerful madness was now utterly gone, and he was in a dark mood as he followed the path back to the Inn in the deepening dusk. Afgern the innkeep was overjoyed to hear the tidings, but Fel could only drink his wine in sullen sorrow. He knew though that when the need for bloodshed arose again he'd be strong once more, with his hollow grin blazing. Absently he thought of where the missing brigand could have been, but doubted traders on this road would need worry for quite some time. That missing man should consider himself lucky. If he came for vengeance, Fel would be ready. Now he had one more thing to look to before he departed on Rend's errand. Tommorow he would return to his friends in his home city of Toffglen, and see who would accompany him on this foolish venture.

Afgern happily refilled Fel's flagon, slapping him on the back incessantly and praising him for the other patrons to hear. At the bar a pretty woman, a very rare sight in these parts, smiled and raised her glass to toast Fel's success. He smiled politely in return, then returned to his drink and a solid meal.

Alaure
06-02-2006, 06:02 AM
simply amazing, you must post more.

Malishan
06-02-2006, 08:43 AM
hehe well thanks, I might write some more tommorow :) I actually wouldn't mind some critique here and there so anyone feel free. I thought this last (3rd) post was a little weak and kinda disjointed for some reason.

kehmesis
06-02-2006, 07:48 PM
Pretty good stuff.

LanMandragon
06-02-2006, 08:11 PM
Ok if you want a little critique.

Part of good storytelling is painting the picture of whats going on. Now you painted a pretty good picture of the fight. But we dont know how he really got there, your kinda jumping from scene to scene without any story of the travel there. Is it raining? What does the bar look like? This lady is pretty, how?

Stuff like that is what brings out the engrossed reader.

Malishan
06-02-2006, 09:02 PM
Aye I could do more of that, I actually kept some of it trimmed down a bit intentionally to keep the pace up a bit.

LanMandragon
06-02-2006, 09:09 PM
Sometimes to fast of a pace makes thing feel disjointed. Because you are jumping so quickly from scene to scene, people dont have time to really process whats going on. A little description can go a long way to making the next fight stronger.

lucera
07-19-2006, 11:50 PM
Where's the end of this? Got me all excited now and no follow-through? Just like a man. ;)

Malishan
07-20-2006, 01:48 AM
lol! ok I'll try and get motivated, just for you ;)

Tagrun
07-20-2006, 02:15 AM
Hop to it mal! We are waiting!

LanMandragon
07-20-2006, 03:17 AM
agreed, I liked it.