ShadowDemen
01-29-2006, 05:35 AM
This isn't the final version, but I wanted to see if people liked my story before I continue it. This story is based on a world me and my friends created, and alot of the characters were created by Atreyu. I created the story, though. Anyway, here it is...
A Prince's Exile
In the land of Kristen-Kai, a large island (almost qualified to be called a continent, in fact) situated in the middle of a great ocean, there were seven kingdoms. These kingdoms were all vying for power on the island. The largest was own by a kind-hearted man named Centoko Ishida, and his brother Centoko Ishinada. Ishida also had two children, a boy name Centoko, (age eighteen) and a girl named Centoko Akari (seventeen). Ishida’s wife died while giving birth to Akari, and so is not mentioned in this story.
Out of all the seven kingdoms, Ishida’s was the less likely to conquer other lands. This was not because he had a small army, for indeed he had a large one. It was because he did not like the idea of forcing someone into his force. This did not stop the villagers of the towns near his borders, however, from converting to his side. This was because his land was an almost utopian valley, and there was great commerce in his kingdom.
Of course, this made him very unpopular with the other rulers, and thus he had no alliances in the island of Kristen-Kai. He did, however, have a very strong alliance with The Lord Ashton, who had conquered half of the continent of Firaiden, or “the land of fire” as it was known to some people. The mere fact that Ashton was his ally was enough to stop most invasions into Ishida’s land. However, if someone did invade his lands, Ishida had an ace up his sleeve; a man named Taisu Shono. He was a strong warrior, who wore all white armor and carried a large and rather heavy spear into battle. Just the mere mention of his name sent shivers down his enemy’s spine.
There was also a young warlord named Jiang Liang, who will play a major part in this tale, be it good or bad. Liang was a genius at both politics and war, but he always appeared anxious, as if waiting for something to happen. There were also rumors that he was meeting with two men late one night, but the investigation afterward was not able to prove anything.
One day, a messenger brought grave news: Taisu Shono had been poisoned! Ishida immediately called a council to resolve what should be done next. The council consisted of Ishida and his family. Late into the meeting, though, Jiang Liang appeared, looking rather smug, with two companions. One, at his right side, was dressed in silver armor and had a limp left arm. The other, standing at his left, wore a long, brown robe, with the hood covering all but his mouth.
Before the others could question Jiang Liang, however, Liang snapped his fingers. Instantly the guards left the room and locked the doors. “What are you doing li-?” Before Ishinada finished his sentence, though, the man at Liang’s left side stretched out his hand toward him and shot forth an almost black fireball. The spell hit Ishinada square in the chest and knocked him into the pillar standing behind him. He fell with a thud, though he was only unconscious.
Seeing this, Centoko immediately rushed toward the cloaked figure, but was punched hard in the stomach by the man with the limp left arm. Gasping, he fell to the floor, where he was kicked hard in the side towards his father. Meanwhile, Akari had taken out her sword, and was guarding her father, who had not moved this entire time.
“Why do you seek to defy me, traitor?” said Ishida, with a loud but calm voice.
“Easy, so that I can have the power to shape the world the way I want!” answered Liang, in a somewhat cocky manner. With that, he signaled to the man at his right, saying “Kill Ishida, Basil, but leave the others alive.”
Suddenly the room seemed darker, more evil. The man’s limp left arm seemed black now, and then it slowly uncoiled into many black whip-like tentacles. Before Akari could even gasp, the tentacles knocked her aside to the ground. Before she fell unconscious, she could hear a sickening scream.
When she woke up, she found her arms and legs tied, and saw that Centoko and Ishinada were in the same position beside her. Then the memories came back to her, and she fought against her own tears, realizing that her father was dead. Liang appeared, dress in armor. “Seeing as how you would only hinder my conquest, I have decided to place you in exile,” started Liang, “You shall go now to the land of Firaiden, and warn Lord Ashton that I am the new ruler of this land.”
With that, the prisoners were picked up and thrown into the boat. Under his breath, Centoko swore that someday he would have his revenge.
Please remember this is my first story, and feel free to tell me which parts don't fit. That, and I'm not very good with dialogue. :o
A Prince's Exile
In the land of Kristen-Kai, a large island (almost qualified to be called a continent, in fact) situated in the middle of a great ocean, there were seven kingdoms. These kingdoms were all vying for power on the island. The largest was own by a kind-hearted man named Centoko Ishida, and his brother Centoko Ishinada. Ishida also had two children, a boy name Centoko, (age eighteen) and a girl named Centoko Akari (seventeen). Ishida’s wife died while giving birth to Akari, and so is not mentioned in this story.
Out of all the seven kingdoms, Ishida’s was the less likely to conquer other lands. This was not because he had a small army, for indeed he had a large one. It was because he did not like the idea of forcing someone into his force. This did not stop the villagers of the towns near his borders, however, from converting to his side. This was because his land was an almost utopian valley, and there was great commerce in his kingdom.
Of course, this made him very unpopular with the other rulers, and thus he had no alliances in the island of Kristen-Kai. He did, however, have a very strong alliance with The Lord Ashton, who had conquered half of the continent of Firaiden, or “the land of fire” as it was known to some people. The mere fact that Ashton was his ally was enough to stop most invasions into Ishida’s land. However, if someone did invade his lands, Ishida had an ace up his sleeve; a man named Taisu Shono. He was a strong warrior, who wore all white armor and carried a large and rather heavy spear into battle. Just the mere mention of his name sent shivers down his enemy’s spine.
There was also a young warlord named Jiang Liang, who will play a major part in this tale, be it good or bad. Liang was a genius at both politics and war, but he always appeared anxious, as if waiting for something to happen. There were also rumors that he was meeting with two men late one night, but the investigation afterward was not able to prove anything.
One day, a messenger brought grave news: Taisu Shono had been poisoned! Ishida immediately called a council to resolve what should be done next. The council consisted of Ishida and his family. Late into the meeting, though, Jiang Liang appeared, looking rather smug, with two companions. One, at his right side, was dressed in silver armor and had a limp left arm. The other, standing at his left, wore a long, brown robe, with the hood covering all but his mouth.
Before the others could question Jiang Liang, however, Liang snapped his fingers. Instantly the guards left the room and locked the doors. “What are you doing li-?” Before Ishinada finished his sentence, though, the man at Liang’s left side stretched out his hand toward him and shot forth an almost black fireball. The spell hit Ishinada square in the chest and knocked him into the pillar standing behind him. He fell with a thud, though he was only unconscious.
Seeing this, Centoko immediately rushed toward the cloaked figure, but was punched hard in the stomach by the man with the limp left arm. Gasping, he fell to the floor, where he was kicked hard in the side towards his father. Meanwhile, Akari had taken out her sword, and was guarding her father, who had not moved this entire time.
“Why do you seek to defy me, traitor?” said Ishida, with a loud but calm voice.
“Easy, so that I can have the power to shape the world the way I want!” answered Liang, in a somewhat cocky manner. With that, he signaled to the man at his right, saying “Kill Ishida, Basil, but leave the others alive.”
Suddenly the room seemed darker, more evil. The man’s limp left arm seemed black now, and then it slowly uncoiled into many black whip-like tentacles. Before Akari could even gasp, the tentacles knocked her aside to the ground. Before she fell unconscious, she could hear a sickening scream.
When she woke up, she found her arms and legs tied, and saw that Centoko and Ishinada were in the same position beside her. Then the memories came back to her, and she fought against her own tears, realizing that her father was dead. Liang appeared, dress in armor. “Seeing as how you would only hinder my conquest, I have decided to place you in exile,” started Liang, “You shall go now to the land of Firaiden, and warn Lord Ashton that I am the new ruler of this land.”
With that, the prisoners were picked up and thrown into the boat. Under his breath, Centoko swore that someday he would have his revenge.
Please remember this is my first story, and feel free to tell me which parts don't fit. That, and I'm not very good with dialogue. :o