I got to play the alpha for 90 minutes!!!

[SamDog]

I was in Athens last week with my girlfriend. We were sitting at the accropolis eating something with spinach in it and she asked me if I had ever had sex in a semi-public place.

I was about to answer when I saw Claus strole by in a red beret.

She saw that I was distracted and she tried to pull me behind a pillar, but I shrugged her off and followed the man in the red beret. Was it really Claus? I wasn't completely sure.

The man ambled past the Temple of the standing Koroi and paused to light a cigarette. He took a few puffs and then tossed the cigarette on some marble stairs. He then sauntered off. I ran up and grabbed the still lit cigarette.

I don't normally smoke, but this was different. I just couldn't resist taking a puff. After all, the cigarette had probably been in a pack in his pocket while he was play testing Darkfall, so it was something anyway.

"You don't smoke!" said my girlfriend. "Whats gotten into you? If the idea of semi-public sex embarasses you well, okay, but don't just get up and walk away."

My mind was on other things though. The man in the red beret was now down in the agora, so I hurried after him.

"hey..." she called after me.

I caught up to him just as he passed through the tourist gates and headed on down the Rue de Roo (its named after Kanga and Rue but greeks have a hard time pronoucing Kang so its just called the Rue de Roo).

Sure enough, just as I suspected he stopped by a music store window and pretended to be eyeing the bagpipes--in fact he was looking for reflections in the glass. It was as if he knew he was being followed.

I stopped and pretended to be watching this really beautiful woman who was bending over to tie her shoe.

Sure enough, he moved on down a slight alley and opened the red fire door below a fire escape. The door closed slowly and just before it shut I mannaged to insert by Platenum card so the bolt wouldn't catch.

I waited breathless for several minutes. Had he noticed.

"Okay, well, this alley is certainly kind of deserted." she said in a husky suggestive voice, coming up behind me in.

"Jesus! you scared the crap out of me!" I was so startled.

"what the f*** is wrong with you SamDog?"

But my mind was on other things, I generly tried the door.

Luck was with me, the door opened and I stepped inside closing the door in the face of my friend who looked mostly puzzled as she fumbled in her purse for her Platenum card.

I was inside! I had made it to the back door of the Athens office. I could smell Darkfall in the air. I crept down a vaulted hallway past a bronze statue of Richard Garriot...

To be Continued


--edit--

Thanks to Sack for taking the time to keep a running compilation of SamDog's journal in one spot:
http://damnsam.white.prohosting.com/

Also thanks to Arkh for making another journal log of SamDog's adventures here:
http://empire.celeonet.fr/darkfall/

[Surly]

Open Sesame

Please do continue that story... I'm on the edge of my seat!

[Teth]

Why the hell would you want a bronze of Garriott? The man is batshit insane. :/

[Taurohta]

Uhh surly, i hate to tell a mod how to do his job but is this shoulf be opened? Im sure it was locked for a reason

[Anthius Disius]

lol, Richard Garriott pwns...

[TheHybrid]

I like how his girlfriend calls him SamDog.

[Max Vitae]

Uhh surly, i hate to tell a mod how to do his job but is this shoulf be opened? Im sure it was locked for a reason

And it wasn't re-opened for a reason?

Mods locking threads is one thing, because it is their job to moderate and keep a lid on, but what is up with readers wanting threads locked? It's the easiest thing in the world to just skim and move on if it doesn't interest you.

The OP is writing a funny piece about Darkfall; I'm glad Surly is going to let us enjoy more of it.

[Atnas]

I wonder if he will succeed, and actually play DFO for 1,5 h!
Stay tuned for the... next episode! Yah!

[Mulambo]

I bet the statue is this pose:
http://www.computerandvideogames.com/screenshots_library/dir_290/vortal_pic_145451.jpg

[Zerikin Loukbel]

It says something when people starting writing fan fiction about playing the alpha of a game. Problem is I'm quite sure what it says...

[gold]

SHNANAGGANS! <--- lol

[Atnas]

He has waited for too long, he is probably insane by now.

[ObsiDian_Osiris]

I stopped reading after you said you had a girlfriend.

[Asmodeus]

I stopped reading after you said you had a girlfriend.
rofl thats rough dude... anyways its kinda rediculous but im entertained and wanna see where he goes with it.

[Xinnro]

Good stuff... want to read more...

i want a sex scene in part 2

[Crunk]

*cough* bullshit *cough*

[Xinnro]

*cough* bullshit *cough*


Wow, you thought he was being serious?

did you even bother reading the first post?

[Consume]

ah man that made my day. LOL pretty funny how you ignore your gf when she wants to get down and dirty like right then and there and she calls you samdog lol thats good stuff man let's hear some more of it.

[Ichikun]

So funny

Hats of to the creator of this post

[valique_001]

Very funny stuff here. ^_^

[Crunk]

Wow, you thought he was being serious?

did you even bother reading the first post?

would you blame me if i didn't?

just read the title and decided to cough a little. ;)

[Spawl]

So many people lose girlfriends because they are playing games. If she leaves you, you might be the first to lose a girl over a game you cannot play.

[valique_001]

So many people lose girlfriends because they are playing games. If she leaves you, you might be the first to lose a girl over a game you cannot play.
LoL

[Dragonfly]

please continue.

[Goty]

So many people lose girlfriends because they are playing games. If she leaves you, you might be the first to lose a girl over a game you cannot play.

The trick is to get her interested in games.

Takes time, takes effort, but there's nothing better than tossing back some brews with your girlie while murdalizing each other for hours in Halo 2 on a boring Sunday night.

Halo 2, because thats the game that finally perked her interest enough to buy. The process has begun. I'll have her PvP'ing in mmo's by next winter, dammit.

[Prime]

"I wish I had a real life girlfriend that played (Darkfall)...Then I could get head while she cybered me."

[BLACKWATCH]

Where the hell is Samdog and the rest of the damed story?
(Were holding the mods off with chewed up sticks as it is.... lol )

;)

[Crunk]

surly just needs some strong mead. he rips less heads off that way.

[r4nge]

On with the story!!!

I, for one, believe it is true.

[Dragon Skull]

I dont believe this crap for one second. Heres why:

1.) why the hell would Claus let him play the game, he doesnt even know him.

2.) How did he even know it was Claus?

3.) I doubt claus would even speak to some nut case who smoked his discarded cigarett and followed him around. Thats stalking if I ever heard it. In all odds the poor person he was following had him arrested and they spent the night in jail. Every thing the poster speaks of was a dream or psychotic dillusion.

4.) he said he had a girlfriend. A blatent lie if I ever heard one.

Bottom line, this story is 100% pure grade F bullshit. The person who started this thread is obviously insane and a compulsive liar. I say to the poster of this thread, Seek profesional help and stop living in a fantasy world. You did not meet Claus nor do you have a girlfriend. Its not too late, you can get help!

[Goty]

I dont believe this crap for one second. Heres why:

1.) why the hell would Claus let him play the game, he doesnt even know him.

2.) How did he even know it was Claus?

3.) I doubt claus would even speak to some nut case who smoked his discarded cigarett and followed him around. Thats stalking if I ever heard it. In all odds the poor person he was following had him arrested and they spent the night in jail. Every thing the poster speaks of was a dream or psychotic dillusion.

4.) he said he had a girlfriend. A blatent lie if I ever heard one.

Bottom line, this story is 100% pure grade F bullshit. The person who started this thread is obviously insane and a compulsive liar. I say to the poster of this thread, Seek profesional help and stop living in a fantasy world. You did not meet Claus nor do you have a girlfriend. Its not too late, you can get help!


I'm fairly sure it's obvious that this isn't true. More of a fan-fiction based on a game that hasn't even come out yet. Which... I guess could reinforce your belief he doesn't have a girlfriend. Heheheh.

[Darkmatter]

Fun story. Weird but entertaining. You should make a movie out of it. Make an action thriller please. Watch "I got to play the Alpha for 90 minutes!!!" - in a theatre near you.

[The-Nit]

Careful getting your GF into MMO's..
Had a friend who was a MMO nut, and gave his GF an account. He later stopped playing, she got hooked on the comunity.
Then she went to england and had sex with her guild. True story.

PS: She didnt have sex with the entire guild!

PPS: ... Just the ones that lived near london.

[Afgar]

Funny shit. Was believable up until the whole bagpipes thing. That was just fuckin ridiculous.

[paade]

I think the whole "to be continued...

[SirBlood]

Paade, HEADSHOT:)

[Unknewn]

Good read, if this is true please continue ASAP.

[Retlaw_]

Good read, if this is true please continue ASAP.

agreedm do continue, i hate "too be continueds..."

[SamDog]

There is a time in each man's life, they say,
when he is the master of his fate--if has the
will to sease it.

Thoughts like these ran through my mind as I came
to a juncture in the long vaulted hall. I was about to turn
left when I heard the distinct sound of an opening soda can
and peak around the corner to spy the man in the red beret
refreshing himself with Greek Root Beer. He paused for a few moments
listening intently--in the distance I could hear voices.
He tossed the soda into the trash and headed off toward
the noise.

I crept forward, seased my chance, and took the last swig
from the leaking can.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Turning sharply I saw my girlfriend brandishing her
platinum card. With a finger to my lips I cautioned
silence and the two of us krept down the hall and out onto
a balcony.


It was all reminescent of a James Bond film. I looked
down from my hidden perch at 21 people toiling among
monitors, 7 wore red berets, and 7 wore blue berets, and
one fat lady wore jeans.

But ohhh, what a treasure I saw in the monitors. Great
landscapes and hedious creatures, small curmudgeon dwarves
ensconsed in encrusted caves--and I saw crust too, but that
was beside the coffee mug on the desk, not on the monitors.

I recognized Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 Version
8.0.50727.42 (RTM.050727-4200) The Professional Edition
in Debug mode. It was difficult to be absolutely sure
from such a distance, but it looked to me like the short
swarthy guy with his back to us was monitoring these variables:

*inc_gold (which had a null value)
n_counter (which was a 4byte signless integer with a value of 13)


Three routines were in the stack (It looked like other routines
were above these in the scroll window)

Mob_drop (which was a function in the class animae)
Get_loot_from_loot_pool (which looked like it was some kind of
global function -- (and a suspect programming practice if I may
say so))
Place_loot_on_corpse (which was in class animae too)

And then I saw it!!! The line of code just before the break point
was

inc_gold+=animae.get_gold();

For some reason the swarthy guy just didn't see it, I wanted
to cry out the bug for all to hear. I opened my mouth and started to
scream....

to be continued

OOC
I think Dragon Skull owes me an appology. It is one thing to dissagree with me, but quite another to make personal remarks and call me a liar. I was
in greece if you need proof you can check my Platinum card for the plane purchase, and the surface for the scratches left by the door, my card number is

8050 7274 2507 2742

I have to tell you that if I don't get some kind of appology from Dragon Skull I may not feel welcome here for a few days.

[Spinewire]

I dont believe this crap for one second. Heres why:

1.) why the hell would Claus let him play the game, he doesnt even know him.

2.) How did he even know it was Claus?

3.) I doubt claus would even speak to some nut case who smoked his discarded cigarett and followed him around. Thats stalking if I ever heard it. In all odds the poor person he was following had him arrested and they spent the night in jail. Every thing the poster speaks of was a dream or psychotic dillusion.

4.) he said he had a girlfriend. A blatent lie if I ever heard one.

Bottom line, this story is 100% pure grade F bullshit. The person who started this thread is obviously insane and a compulsive liar. I say to the poster of this thread, Seek profesional help and stop living in a fantasy world. You did not meet Claus nor do you have a girlfriend. Its not too late, you can get help!You need to chill out and learn to spot things that are not ment to be taken seriously... Which after that little outburst includes you.



OOC
I think Dragon Skull owes me an appology. It is one thing to dissagree with me, but quite another to make personal remarks and call me a liar. I was
in greece if you need proof you can check my Platinum card for the plane purchase, and the surface for the scratches left by the door, my card number is

8050 7274 2507 2742

I have to tell you that if I don't get some kind of appology from Dragon Skull I may not feel welcome here for a few days.LOL

[Helgeran]

8050 7274 2507 2742

This story is obviously true!

[Consume]

AHHH i can't get enough of this dude, this will defenitly hold me over till DF comes out... mebbe.

i say delete dragon skulls account for this outrage no just kidding but... please appologize everyone else is enjoying themselves i think we all wouldn't want this ruined because of somone not saying sorry.

please continue with the story good sir im lovin it.

PS. i love you too samdog... i had to go slap myself for that one

EDIT: i swear to god "To be Continued" should be tm like "soon"tm (character map doesn't have tm)

[Atnas]

Dragon Skull, you... let's grab our torches, hunt him down and force him to apologize!

Edit: Damn you "Too be continued!"

[stalwart]

okay, foreshadowing, his gf wants sex. he wants darkfall.

put everything together and he has his gf have sex with the 21 people at computers while he plays darkfall.

too bad those devs have been working so long that it took 21 of them 90 minutes total to finish....

edit: mad props to surly for reopening this thread. first good/interesting thread in like a month.

[Janosfleet]

Cliffs???

[Brannoc]

I like this thread. ;)

[Retlaw_]

dude, apologize! i'm captived! a series should be out out! but for real, apologize man..

[MorkDaOrc]

Amazing... This guy knows how to make a good story. I agree that the devs will get the girl and Sam gets to play DF. :D

[r4nge]

methinks the pressure of a sequel has quelled his literary ooomph. I'm baiting him.

[Retlaw_]

sequels always aren't as good as the first installment, in movies, books, and anyway thing, same thing in this case, but it's still pretty good... continue...

[TheHybrid]

SamDog, do you see code in images, like in the Matrix?

Anyway thank god for fervent fans sneaking into Adventurine SA HQ and spotting errors. They're the one thing keeping DF on schedule. ;)

[Shamoke]

Cliffs???

A man goes to Greece to behold the glory of Darkfall. He travels to the address he hunted down a few weeks earlier. Except the note leads him to a gloomy graveyard. He looks around to appease his curiousity, but sees no sign of Darkfall. As he is about to leave he sees a tombstone with the name Claus engraved on its rough gray surface. Not willing to go home empty handed, he pulls out his trusty J. R. R. Tolkein Dwarven Shovel and starts digging. He wasn't sure what he would find, but there was a small nugget of hope that just maybe his questions would be answered. Finally after two hours of digging he heard the shovel ring against stone. Cracking through the top of the stone, he peers inside. A ray of light broke through the overcast sky to reveal the fate of Darkfall. It was bright, the inside awoke with a cloud of dust, and through the haze he saw it. A facehugger! And it leaped onto his grizzled but mildly attractive face. He struggled, but without success. The thoughts of short dwarves and large axes ran through his head as he slowly fell unconscious...

[SirBlood]

Let us all go to greece!!! i wanna try the game out. :D
But first we have to deal with Dragon Skull!!! :D

[Mauser]

I want to play too=(

Nice story btw

[Consume]

Consume : that poor bastard hasn't said sorry yet? man.... *hear starting of a chainsaw*

Dragon Skull : OK OK MAN JESUS alright i'll say it! sorry, i appologize i should have never doubted your elite ability to resist sex... err that you went to greece. Im sorry i said those horrible things and i truely do hope that you continue on with your fantastic story. i appologize to everyone else for slowing this process down.

Consume : *chainsaw stops* hmm... awsome

[BLACKWATCH]

Samdog, needs to tracked down and shanghied to finish this story...

SAMDOG! SAMdog Samdog HERE! Where the hell are ya!!!

[Veilroth]

Samdog was shot down by the darkfall team! He's in intensive care in Usbekistan!

[TizzyFoe]

dont be selfish!!!! be sure to smuggle out a copy and find a host for it!!!!!

[Spinewire]

Look at you all... your greedy for the written verse.

I'm just waiting for people to start flaming his 3rd installment.

I hope he goes out with a bang and the story is a clever dig at darkfall just to piss everyone off.

Could end with the Devs holding him down and teabaging him laughing becaues it's the 6th person they have lured into their den of lies. All they do is teabag him and shout:

"HAHAAH it's vapourware noob."
"Taste my sack!"
"Aventurine is greek for cock tease! lololol"

[r4nge]

All they do is teabag him and shout:

"HAHAAH it's vapourware noob."
"Taste my sack!"
"Aventurine is greek for cock tease! lololol"

I spit soda. You owe me a new keyboard, DF beta disk, and miniature Richard Gariott statue that you made me ruin.

[Thorgal]

Careful getting your GF into MMO's..
Had a friend who was a MMO nut, and gave his GF an account. He later stopped playing, she got hooked on the comunity.
Then she went to england and had sex with her guild. True story.

PS: She didnt have sex with the entire guild!

PPS: ... Just the ones that lived near london.

Well if your homie's girlfriend travels to england (of all places??) to get f**ked I guess he has to reconsider his sexual abilities.. lol ... :D

[Retlaw_]

Consume : that poor bastard hasn't said sorry yet? man.... *hear starting of a chainsaw*

Dragon Skull : OK OK MAN JESUS alright i'll say it! sorry, i appologize i should have never doubted your elite ability to resist sex... err that you went to greece. Im sorry i said those horrible things and i truely do hope that you continue on with your fantastic story. i appologize to everyone else for slowing this process down.

Consume : *chainsaw stops* hmm... awsome

lol, keep that chainsaw running, Dragon Skull, may very well be back, sometime, and continue the story plez, interesting without the suspense...

[Asmodeus]

grr i wanna hear more dragon skull appologize you chode

[GandalfPl]

And then I saw it!!! The line of code just before the break point
was

inc_gold+=animae.get_gold();

For some reason the swarthy guy just didn't see it, I wanted to cry out the bug for all to hear. I opened my mouth and started to scream....


Scream? No need to worry - it won't compile as it should be animae->get_gold(); No probs here, he he :)

[Banjee]

I for one doesnt care if its true or not, it's a great story and i really enjoy reading it. Please continue!

[Atnas]

He's manipulating us! See? Almost everyone demands an apology from Dragon Skull! Next, it's going to be "Give me moderator or I wont continue" and Surly/Brannoc will be like "whatev, here you go, just continue".

[gold]

He's manipulating us! See? Almost everyone demands an apology from Dragon Skull! Next, it's going to be "Give me moderator or I wont continue" and Surly/Brannoc will be like "whatev, here you go, just continue".


lol why would you assume surly has any choice in the mod picks.. LOL. its brannoc and brannoc alone, i would assume. consider surly is new... if mods had options it would be someone like marrok. or the others who have been here for years as mods.. not a month. no offense surly. ;) u r still uber flamer. lol

[Atnas]

Those are the only moderators who have been reading the story, I mean.

Edit: And would therefore be the only ones interested in keeping it alive.

[gold]

ohh RGR RGR:D


miss understood.:P..

[kehmesis]

Hahahahhaha! That guy's hillarious!

I was pissed off when the post was first locked. I'm happy it is unlocked now, I couldn't wait for the next chapter :)

Hopefully the third is comming soon. I'm pissing my pants.

EDIT: I kind of pity those who were mad against the OP. Sad indeed.

[ruzenlire]

I like the story.

I think he's just as entitled to write it as we are entitled to critique it.

There is absolutely no reason for anyone to have to apologize here. It kind of reminds me of the South Park episode when Stan and Kenny (I think it was Stan and Kenny, but I can't quite remember) went to Beverly Hills to get their money back for a Mel Gibson movie they thought sucked.

Mel wouldn't give them their money back so they stole it. Mel chased them all the way back to South Park acting completly nuts.

Anyways the moral of the story is: Not everyone is gonna like your story, but everyone is entitled to voicing their opinion.

Unless your from some comunist country.

[kehmesis]

I like the story.

I think he's just as entitled to write it as we are entitled to critique it.

There is absolutely no reason for anyone to have to apologize here. It kind of reminds me of the South Park episode when Stan and Kenny (I think it was Stan and Kenny, but I can't quite remember) went to Beverly Hills to get their money back for a Mel Gibson movie they thought sucked.

Mel wouldn't give them their money back so they stole it. Mel chased them all the way back to South Park acting completly nuts.

Anyways the moral of the story is: Not everyone is gonna like your story, but everyone is entitled to voicing their opinion.

Unless your from some comunist country.

Not if the opinion is transformed into a personal attack. Not on these boards, anyway.

[stalwart]

is this all there is to the story?


goodness... i hope not.

[MorkDaOrc]

is this all there is to the story?


goodness... i hope not.

Well he said "to be continued" in his last post so I guess there is more :)

[Consume]

i think he's waiting for an apology... guess we'll never know until somone apologizes *cough* Dragon Skull *cough*

[caliph]

I recognized Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 Version
8.0.50727.42 (RTM.050727-4200) The Professional Edition
in Debug mode

rofl

[Exodeus]

I thought the community created game-dream-bubble was already out-of-hand... but this is really getting ridiculous... made up stories to keep everyone going?

I don't understand why this post isnt being locked down... Boredome?

I need a break...

[Dragon Skull]

OOC
I think Dragon Skull owes me an appology. It is one thing to dissagree with me, but quite another to make personal remarks and call me a liar. I was
in greece if you need proof you can check my Platinum card for the plane purchase, and the surface for the scratches left by the door, my card number is

8050 7274 2507 2742

I have to tell you that if I don't get some kind of appology from Dragon Skull I may not feel welcome here for a few days.

Okay, now I know this guy is nuts. What kind of fool would post his own personal credit card number on a public web site where any one who accesses it can get it, just to attempt to prove his point? You really need to learn how to take a joke bud. How you expect to play hard core PvP games if you cant take some smack talk? but with all the people whove just seen that number, if it really is your cred number, then your about to take some real smackin.

[Dragon Skull]

i think he's waiting for an apology... guess we'll never know until somone apologizes *cough* Dragon Skull *cough*


I live by one, maybe two creeds, here one of them:

"No fears, no apologies, no regrets"

[caliph]

I think Dragon Skull is an alter-ego of SamDog. His second account and hes making these posts in order to play with us. We all hate Dragon Skull but we all love SamDog, and right now SamDog is sitting laughing as he plays us like fiddles :)

That or Dragon Skull really needs to get a sense of humour and roll a joint

[Dragon Skull]

That or Dragon Skull really needs to get a sense of humour and roll a joint


I do have a sense of Humor, I though what I wrote was very funny. :D

[Dragon Skull]

Consume : that poor bastard hasn't said sorry yet? man.... *hear starting of a chainsaw*

Dragon Skull : OK OK MAN JESUS alright i'll say it! sorry, i appologize i should have never doubted your elite ability to resist sex... err that you went to greece. Im sorry i said those horrible things and i truely do hope that you continue on with your fantastic story. i appologize to everyone else for slowing this process down.

Consume : *chainsaw stops* hmm... awsome

Dragon Skull: But I forgot to add one thing.

Consume: oh yeah, whats that?

Dragon Skull: I LIED!! *Pulls out hidden dagger and stabs Consume to death"

[Dragonfly]

part 3 please.

[Retlaw_]

Dragon Skull: But I forgot to add one thing.

Consume: oh yeah, whats that?

Dragon Skull: I LIED!! *Pulls out hidden dagger and stabs Consume to death"

little did Dragon Skull know that consume's old buddy ret was behind him and when he did find out, Dragon Skull breathed his last breath...

[Consume]

lol yeh roll a joint with meh man. i don't care how many times you stab meh with a dagger just say your sorry so we can get on with this fucking story. i'ts entertaining so why the fuck ruin it cause darkfall wont be here for like 50 more years so why not read about some guys made up or true story about it. he seems really good at writing and i've taken a liking to it.

I've been up for two days straight waiting for part III and i can't read it because of you... jeez wheres my coffeh

EDIT: oh can some one ressurect me?

[ruzenlire]

I think Dragon Skull is an alter-ego of SamDog. His second account and hes making these posts in order to play with us. We all hate Dragon Skull but we all love SamDog, and right now SamDog is sitting laughing as he plays us like fiddles :)

That or Dragon Skull really needs to get a sense of humour and roll a joint


I hate them both.

Finish the Gol'ram story.

[gold]

Lol

[SamDog]

But the scream died on my lips. I saw something far more sinester
in the code. A complete betrayal.

They say that you never really know anyone until you have either gone
into battle with them, or through child-birth.

Well, I can say I certainly don't know Claus.

There in the code inside an animae.get_gold routine was the line


if(P_name=="Claus" || P_name=="Brannoc" ||
P_name=="Preston" || ((P_name[2]=="n") & (P_name[6]=="e")))
{
gold_drop*=BOOST;
}

My heart sank. I couldn't see the value of BOOST in the header file,
but I was pretty sure it was some number greater than one.

I hate to admit it, because I pride myself on being a manly man,
but a large tear welled up in my eye and slowly rolled down my nose--it
hung there for a moment,reluctant to drop. My ideals had been
shattered and then the tear let go, plunging
slowly over the balcony onto a crust of bread.

Claus was a cheater.

Sensing my mood My girl friend gave me a slow and mornful pat on the
back.

My world went very black for a long long time. They say that you
cannot know despair until you have burried a lover or a child, but
oh brothers, believe me, I knew despair. It was the loving understanding
of my girlfriend that brought me back from that deep abyss and
into the world again, reforged and ready to take action.

"We must change the code." I said, grimly tying a bandana on my head
rambo-style and synching up my sleaves.


To Be Continued

[Maglubiyet]

thank you for bringing something to the forums worth reading in these harsh times samdog

[robtb]

rofl its starting to get epic

[stalwart]

egads!

claus is a cheater... i really didnt see that twist coming

interesting stuff, sam.

[kehmesis]

Much more interesting than an afternoon soap opera ;)

[r4nge]

boosters!!!

[Preston]

OMG, SamDog KNOWS!

:ninja:

[Asmodeus]

more!

[stalwart]

Much more interesting than an afternoon soap opera ;)

how can you even compare the two?

can we get a rating for this thread, mods?

[CoolWaters]

I dont believe this crap for one second. Heres why:

1.) why the hell would Claus let him play the game, he doesnt even know him.

2.) How did he even know it was Claus?

3.) I doubt claus would even speak to some nut case who smoked his discarded cigarett and followed him around. Thats stalking if I ever heard it. In all odds the poor person he was following had him arrested and they spent the night in jail. Every thing the poster speaks of was a dream or psychotic dillusion.

4.) he said he had a girlfriend. A blatent lie if I ever heard one.

Bottom line, this story is 100% pure grade F bullshit. The person who started this thread is obviously insane and a compulsive liar. I say to the poster of this thread, Seek profesional help and stop living in a fantasy world. You did not meet Claus nor do you have a girlfriend. Its not too late, you can get help!
Wow.

I loved it. Please write more. Hell, find a publisher. You have potential Samdog.

[CoolWaters]

I live by one, maybe two creeds, here one of them:

"No fears, no apologies, no regrets"
You forgot you most obvious creed: "No sense of humor."

And FFS, which is it one or two? You don't even know how many creeds you live by?

[Spinewire]

But the scream died on my lips. I saw something far more sinester
in the code. A complete betrayal.

They say that you never really know anyone until you have either gone
into battle with them, or through child-birth.

Well, I can say I certainly don't know Claus.

There in the code inside an animae.get_gold routine was the line


if(P_name=="Claus" || P_name=="Brannoc" ||
P_name=="Preston" || ((P_name[2]=="n") & (P_name[6]=="e")))
{
gold_drop*=BOOST;
}

My heart sank. I couldn't see the value of BOOST in the header file,
but I was pretty sure it was some number greater than one.

I hate to admit it, because I pride myself on being a manly man,
but a large tear welled up in my eye and slowly rolled down my nose--it
hung there for a moment,reluctant to drop. My ideals had been
shattered and then the tear let go, plunging
slowly over the balcony onto a crust of bread.

Claus was a cheater.

Sensing my mood My girl friend gave me a slow and mornful pat on the
back.

My world went very black for a long long time. They say that you
cannot know despair until you have burried a lover or a child, but
oh brothers, believe me, I knew despair. It was the loving understanding
of my girlfriend that brought me back from that deep abyss and
into the world again, reforged and ready to take action.

"We must change the code." I said, grimly tying a bandana on my head
rambo-style and synching up my sleaves.


To Be Continued


I still think my it's vapourware/teabaging combo would have been better. ^.^

[TheHybrid]

The developers of Darkfall don't teabag people, they potato-sack people.

[Spinewire]

The developers of Darkfall don't teabag people, they potato-sack people.
I actualy laughed IRL at that.

[Consume]

=D im lovin it dude keep going

[TheHybrid]

I actualy laughed IRL at that.
It was a Chuck Norris fact that I changed to darkfall devs.

read more here: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

[Retlaw_]

lol, good stuff, so what? he changed the code, and then played DF for 90 minutes?!? i guess i can see that happening...

[Spawl]

If this thread falls to the second page preventing people from seeing it, then how will everyone see how good of a thread it is?

[Selzi]

If this thread falls to the second page preventing people from seeing it, then how will everyone see how good of a thread it is?

Community news ftw, I say!
Great stuff samdog.

[Malishan]

Good stuff, but I wish everyone would shut the hell up so we dont have to wade through 40,000 messages to find the next installment of the story.

[Falt]

I'm actually surprised this thread hasn't hit 5000 views yet. :cool:

[Scottc1988]

I recognized Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 Version
8.0.50727.42 (RTM.050727-4200) The Professional Edition
in Debug mode. It was difficult to be absolutely sure
from such a distance, but it looked to me like the short

Shens. Real devs use MSVS 2003.

Edit: Also, 2003 and 2005 version info doesn't show at the top, only if you go to Help and about. By the way, you gave the version number of Microsoft Visual C++ Express Edition.

A picture for good measure:
http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/466/youwrong0za.png

[Spawl]

This is a public service message. Please do not use in line pictures, especially if you do not size them right.

[lok-tar-ogar]

nice man but make the next one a bit longer gj

[Stilp]

Funny thread :D

[Viluin]

Nice thread :p

So has anyone actually checked the CC number? :ninja:

[Avant]

Damnit! You have me on the edge of my seat :)

Finish the tale T_T

[r4nge]

OMG!

8050 7274 2507 2742 does not pass a MOD 10 check. Dare I say he made it up!

[ruzenlire]

Shens. Real devs use MSVS 2003.

Edit: Also, 2003 and 2005 version info doesn't show at the top, only if you go to Help and about. By the way, you gave the version number of Microsoft Visual C++ Express Edition.

A picture for good measure:
http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/466/youwrong0za.png

ROFLMFAO

This post should not discourage SamDog in the least...finish the Golram story!

just do a bit more research next time your writing a ficticious story.

[Senthryse]

who really cares about C++ he's not a profesional...just let the story flow baby!

[Senthryse]

Good stuff, but I wish everyone would shut the hell up so we dont have to wade through 40,000 messages to find the next installment of the story.

Oh by the way....40,001! :P

[CoolWaters]

The Compiled Works of Samdog, aka Samdog; pen name "Samdog":

I was in Athens last week with my girlfriend. We were sitting at the accropolis eating something with spinach in it and she asked me if I had ever had sex in a semi-public place.

I was about to answer when I saw Claus strole by in a red beret.

She saw that I was distracted and she tried to pull me behind a pillar, but I shrugged her off and followed the man in the red beret. Was it really Claus? I wasn't completely sure.

The man ambled past the Temple of the standing Koroi and paused to light a cigarette. He took a few puffs and then tossed the cigarette on some marble stairs. He then sauntered off. I ran up and grabbed the still lit cigarette.

I don't normally smoke, but this was different. I just couldn't resist taking a puff. After all, the cigarette had probably been in a pack in his pocket while he was play testing Darkfall, so it was something anyway.

"You don't smoke!" said my girlfriend. "Whats gotten into you? If the idea of semi-public sex embarasses you well, okay, but don't just get up and walk away."

My mind was on other things though. The man in the red beret was now down in the agora, so I hurried after him.

"hey..." she called after me.

I caught up to him just as he passed through the tourist gates and headed on down the Rue de Roo (its named after Kanga and Rue but greeks have a hard time pronoucing Kang so its just called the Rue de Roo).

Sure enough, just as I suspected he stopped by a music store window and pretended to be eyeing the bagpipes--in fact he was looking for reflections in the glass. It was as if he knew he was being followed.

I stopped and pretended to be watching this really beautiful woman who was bending over to tie her shoe.

Sure enough, he moved on down a slight alley and opened the red fire door below a fire escape. The door closed slowly and just before it shut I mannaged to insert by Platenum card so the bolt wouldn't catch.

I waited breathless for several minutes. Had he noticed.

"Okay, well, this alley is certainly kind of deserted." she said in a husky suggestive voice, coming up behind me in.

"Jesus! you scared the crap out of me!" I was so startled.

"what the f*** is wrong with you SamDog?"

But my mind was on other things, I generly tried the door.

Luck was with me, the door opened and I stepped inside closing the door in the face of my friend who looked mostly puzzled as she fumbled in her purse for her Platenum card.

I was inside! I had made it to the back door of the Athens office. I could smell Darkfall in the air. I crept down a vaulted hallway past a bronze statue of Richard Garriot...

There is a time in each man's life, they say,
when he is the master of his fate--if has the
will to sease it.

Thoughts like these ran through my mind as I came
to a juncture in the long vaulted hall. I was about to turn
left when I heard the distinct sound of an opening soda can
and peak around the corner to spy the man in the red beret
refreshing himself with Greek Root Beer. He paused for a few moments
listening intently--in the distance I could hear voices.
He tossed the soda into the trash and headed off toward
the noise.

I crept forward, seased my chance, and took the last swig
from the leaking can.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Turning sharply I saw my girlfriend brandishing her
platinum card. With a finger to my lips I cautioned
silence and the two of us krept down the hall and out onto
a balcony.


It was all reminescent of a James Bond film. I looked
down from my hidden perch at 21 people toiling among
monitors, 7 wore red berets, and 7 wore blue berets, and
one fat lady wore jeans.

But ohhh, what a treasure I saw in the monitors. Great
landscapes and hedious creatures, small curmudgeon dwarves
ensconsed in encrusted caves--and I saw crust too, but that
was beside the coffee mug on the desk, not on the monitors.

I recognized Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 Version
8.0.50727.42 (RTM.050727-4200) The Professional Edition
in Debug mode. It was difficult to be absolutely sure
from such a distance, but it looked to me like the short
swarthy guy with his back to us was monitoring these variables:

*inc_gold (which had a null value)
n_counter (which was a 4byte signless integer with a value of 13)


Three routines were in the stack (It looked like other routines
were above these in the scroll window)

Mob_drop (which was a function in the class animae)
Get_loot_from_loot_pool (which looked like it was some kind of
global function -- (and a suspect programming practice if I may
say so))
Place_loot_on_corpse (which was in class animae too)

And then I saw it!!! The line of code just before the break point
was

inc_gold+=animae.get_gold();

For some reason the swarthy guy just didn't see it, I wanted
to cry out the bug for all to hear. I opened my mouth and started to
scream....

OOC
I think Dragon Skull owes me an appology. It is one thing to dissagree with me, but quite another to make personal remarks and call me a liar. I was
in greece if you need proof you can check my Platinum card for the plane purchase, and the surface for the scratches left by the door, my card number is

8050 7274 2507 2742

I have to tell you that if I don't get some kind of appology from Dragon Skull I may not feel welcome here for a few days.

But the scream died on my lips. I saw something far more sinester
in the code. A complete betrayal.

They say that you never really know anyone until you have either gone
into battle with them, or through child-birth.

Well, I can say I certainly don't know Claus.

There in the code inside an animae.get_gold routine was the line


if(P_name=="Claus" || P_name=="Brannoc" ||
P_name=="Preston" || ((P_name[2]=="n") & (P_name[6]=="e")))
{
gold_drop*=BOOST;
}

My heart sank. I couldn't see the value of BOOST in the header file,
but I was pretty sure it was some number greater than one.

I hate to admit it, because I pride myself on being a manly man,
but a large tear welled up in my eye and slowly rolled down my nose--it
hung there for a moment,reluctant to drop. My ideals had been
shattered and then the tear let go, plunging
slowly over the balcony onto a crust of bread.

Claus was a cheater.

Sensing my mood My girl friend gave me a slow and mornful pat on the
back.

My world went very black for a long long time. They say that you
cannot know despair until you have burried a lover or a child, but
oh brothers, believe me, I knew despair. It was the loving understanding
of my girlfriend that brought me back from that deep abyss and
into the world again, reforged and ready to take action.

"We must change the code." I said, grimly tying a bandana on my head
rambo-style and synching up my sleaves.

[Drakkyn]

danke.

lots easier reading.


:BUMP:

[Scyrod]

I dont believe this crap for one second. Heres why:

1.) why the hell would Claus let him play the game, he doesnt even know him.

2.) How did he even know it was Claus?

3.) I doubt claus would even speak to some nut case who smoked his discarded cigarett and followed him around. Thats stalking if I ever heard it. In all odds the poor person he was following had him arrested and they spent the night in jail. Every thing the poster speaks of was a dream or psychotic dillusion.

4.) he said he had a girlfriend. A blatent lie if I ever heard one.

Bottom line, this story is 100% pure grade F bullshit. The person who started this thread is obviously insane and a compulsive liar. I say to the poster of this thread, Seek profesional help and stop living in a fantasy world. You did not meet Claus nor do you have a girlfriend. Its not too late, you can get help!

must u flame? its a joke

[lok-tar-ogar]

i agree like god damn dragonskull go rub one out or somthing man u seam REALLY TENSE secondally i really enjoyed the story KEEP IN MIND ITS A STORY MAN LIGHTEN UP

[Nasty]

awesome thread

[The-Nit]

must u flame? its a joke
Must you whine? That flame is so filled with sarcasm that youre a fucking joke not picking up on it.

[Atnas]

Lets just stop flaming each other, and wait for the next post by SamDog.

[SamDog]

"What did he say?" I whispered to my greek-speaking norwegean girlfriend.

"He said his coisant was wet and salty."

The swarthy guy tossed the damp crust into the refuse bin, stood up and
stretched and walked away to flirt with the exotic graphic designer
in cubicle 11.

We had decided that Xenophonia (my girlfriend) would pose as a graphic
designer 3D monster-maker expert on the wrong day for an interview.

I gave her the thumbs as she slid quietly over the ledge and dropped
cat-like among the programmers.

She engaged the fat women in blue-jeans in idle chat and
they decided to interview her immediately.

In the course of the interview she was able to edit the mahirim in
the all-fours stance and gave them a slightly darker color. Claus was
particularly interested in the fact she could speak, Greek, Norwegian,
English, C++, and APL. They were very pleased with the new Mahirim too.

I felt a twinge of jealousy when they offered her a job right on the spot
and wanted to give her a signing bonus too.

Now, I know that I may not know greek and all that other stuff (and my
C++ is a little shoddy too, (i get class.method and instance->method mixed
up sometimes) but I had always thought I was man enough to let the
woman I went out with be better at some things than I was.

But there it was, a twinge of jealously and envy. I found myself wishing
I went out with a bimbo I could easily control and manipulate. And then
it occurred to me that it was Xenophonia's idea to come to greece in
the first place and I saw a pattern in which I was the bimbo that she went
out with because I was easy to control.

Then I remember a few nasty demands she made in bed and my confidence
began to slide even further. I was just about to get ready to slink
back to our Hotel on the Rue de Roo when I became aware that Claus and
most the red-beret crowd were looking up at me while Xenophonia pointed
up at me.

I stood up, smiled shyly and waved in a small submissive manner...

To Be Continued

[skae]

Woohoo!

[Asmodeus]

Yay! my day is complete... haha your your girlfriends bitch, hehe nice lil twist there in her using you! keep em coming

[Rumpy]

she's a whore!

[Viluin]

Xenophonia.. wtf..

[kehmesis]

Thanks for the update! (something's that's rare around here, ehhehe)

[Dizaster]

In the course of the interview she was able to edit the mahirim in
the all-fours stance and gave them a slightly darker color.

mmmmmmmmmmm, doggystyle...

[Spawl]

A xenophobe with social skills. Interesting

[r4nge]

what's her phone number?

[Murray]

Xenophonia 4tW+tDS

Great Story Bimbo... I think I'll actually use the subscribe to thread option for the first time ever...

[PKSinister]

I dont believe this crap for one second. Heres why:

1.) why the hell would Claus let him play the game, he doesnt even know him.

2.) How did he even know it was Claus?

3.) I doubt claus would even speak to some nut case who smoked his discarded cigarett and followed him around. Thats stalking if I ever heard it. In all odds the poor person he was following had him arrested and they spent the night in jail. Every thing the poster speaks of was a dream or psychotic dillusion.

4.) he said he had a girlfriend. A blatent lie if I ever heard one.

Bottom line, this story is 100% pure grade F bullshit. The person who started this thread is obviously insane and a compulsive liar. I say to the poster of this thread, Seek profesional help and stop living in a fantasy world. You did not meet Claus nor do you have a girlfriend. Its not too late, you can get help!

What exactly is this big thing about having a girlfriend? Is it something you have longed for, for so long but not getting one that you couldn't possibly imagine *GASP* SOMEBODY HAVING A GIRLFRIEND????!! Now if there was 20 men to every 1 woman on this planet, then maybe it would be a big thing, but its not like that.

I'm only bringing this up because you think hes lying just because he said he has a girlfriend.

[Drucygoddess]

I just read this thread from start to here, Good Reading (and thats to everyone, not just SamDog).

[G.Struepp]

What exactly is this big thing about having a girlfriend? Is it something you have longed for, for so long but not getting one that you couldn't possibly imagine *GASP* SOMEBODY HAVING A GIRLFRIEND????!! Now if there was 20 men to every 1 woman on this planet, then maybe it would be a big thing, but its not like that.

I'm only bringing this up because you think hes lying just because he said he has a girlfriend.

Is this reply now an ironic reply on an ironic reply on the origin post? Or is that an serious reply on a serious reply? Or an ironic on a serious, or a serious on a ironic reply?

Im getting total lost in this thread-trap....

[TheHybrid]

just ignore all the stuff that isn't SamDog's or a moderator's.

but obviously you'll have to read this one, but I shouldn't have to say that because you wouldn't have chosen to listen to my advice without reading my post in the first place. but if you really had listened to me you wouldn't be reading this right now, so you might try to beat what i said out of you because i'm not SamDog or a moderator, and then you'll forget to only read SamDog and moderator, you'll read my post, and it'll start all over again.

just thought i'd help simplify stuff for you.

[Dulin]

OMG! Ok so I was like "why do people keep reading this stupid thread but now...damnnnnn what a twist...

[Retlaw_]

nice so far, like the twist.. keep it coming..

[Ulcis Cor]

LOL! Good times. Can't wait for the next installment... which I sense is coming soonish... because Sam is currently viewing this thread as I type this. :D

[Consume]

awsome dude this is almost holding me over and awsome story

[Atnas]

... what if he is the guy in the skull armor? Omg!

[TizzyFoe]

u noobs she didnt betray him, shes got something up her sleeve. i bet it will be her that gets him the chance to play the beta.

[Sokal]

I just read this thread from start to here, Good Reading (and thats to everyone, not just SamDog).

It wqs great.

[Chadk]

God, this is great.
Claus is a cheater :eek:
1 thing you can say about him(If its true :p ), is that he use Visual Studio 2005 Proffesional, juuust like me. Good stuff :D :cool:
We wanna know how this turns out? Does the game ship? We wanna know :ninja:

[kehmesis]

Bump to first page (never thought I'd ever do this)

[Taboollts]

ROFL love it.

[mexxa]

You ought to write a book on this crap!

[TizzyFoe]

wtf is this doing on the second page. samdog stop slacking <3

[Dragon Skull]

Must you whine? That flame is so filled with sarcasm that youre a fucking joke not picking up on it.

HOLY FUCKING CRAP IN HELL! SOME ACTUALLY GOT IT! WOW! THANK YOU!


And im still not apologizing. I stand by my blatent cheap shot flame of the thread starter.

[Dragon Skull]

little did Dragon Skull know that consume's old buddy ret was behind him and when he did find out, Dragon Skull breathed his last breath...

But when Ret tried to kill dragon skull he realized one thing, Skull had already shot him in the chest with his chest with a concealed cross bow. After killing both Retlaw and Consume, Dragon Skull looted both of them, took their heads (for reasons we'd rather not mention), and went on his merry, if not deranged, way.

[Armifer]

this thread is too funny, and as always.. flaming tards are spweing in it like some one who just ate bran and some five alarm chili

[Bishop KGB]

But when Ret tried to kill dragon skull he realized one thing, Skull had already shot him in the chest with his chest with a concealed cross bow. After killing both Retlaw and Consume, Dragon Skull looted both of them, took their heads (for reasons we'd rather not mention), and went on his merry, if not deranged, way.

How could you do all that with out breathing?

[gruevy]

8050 7274 2507 2742



There are no credit cards anywhere that start with the number 8

[Retlaw_]

How could you do all that with out breathing?


a fine point my dear sir, we'll have an answer in a week or two, lol

[Axlegrease]

OMG, lovin this thread :D - keep it up SamDog!!!

I bet that in the next episode, he pulls out his hidden katana, jumps down, and kills half of them and his girlfriend - then forces them to fix the bugs and the cheat and makes them work for him and let him play the alpha - but he quickly realises that it is not complete and makes those that remain work all the time to get it finished - but there is still only half of them which is why we arent getting much news - this really happened 2 years ago... and i bet that he is still there and wrote this whole thing from Claus' own computer, which he captured...

[Atnas]

I bet he will defile those heads too.
But goddamnit, I want a new story, and hopefully some sort of ending too!
He can probably say "to be continue..." all the way until beta comes!

[ruzenlire]

just ignore all the stuff that isn't SamDog's or a moderator's.

but obviously you'll have to read this one, but I shouldn't have to say that because you wouldn't have chosen to listen to my advice without reading my post in the first place. but if you really had listened to me you wouldn't be reading this right now, so you might try to beat what i said out of you because i'm not SamDog or a moderator, and then you'll forget to only read SamDog and moderator, you'll read my post, and it'll start all over again.

just thought i'd help simplify stuff for you.

heh I get it, or I got it...or i'm getting it and forgetting it, or umm...yah well whatever...at least I agree. I think.

[SuperCosmo]

great story! continue it please :)

[SirBlood]

Go on SamDog!

[Dragon Skull]

How could you do all that with out breathing?


simple, When he though he had killed me, he didnt check for a pulse. I was merely holding my breath. My armor protected me.

[Dragon Skull]

So, everyone wants to hear the rest of Samdog's stroy huh? Okay then, I think i know how it goes.


"Everything turned white. Samdog could only hear a eccoed voice through the fog. "Hey, come one, get up off the floor. Damnit, he's doing it again. Doctor, I cant get him up. Bring the orderlys," said a womans voice. The fog gradually cleared. Samdog began to see white padded walls. His arms were restrained in a straight jacket. The next thing he knew, two large men were hoisting him off the floor and putting him in a wheel chair. A man in a white lab coat stood before him. "You need to stop slipping in to that delisional world. Repeat after me, 'there is no dark fall, there is no claus, you were never in greece,' okay? Okay? Hmmm.... the medication doesnt seem to be working, time to try the ECT." And so Samdog was taken off for his electro convulstion therapy. "We never should have let him have internet access" said the Doctor. "The people he was chatting with seemed to have pushed him further into his delusional fantasy." When the reached the ECT therapy room, Samdog was strapped down to a gurney. Just then Samdog began to scream " I played it, I played the Darkfall alpha, please, please believe me, pleeeeeeaaasssseeee!!" "Of course you did", replied the doctor. A rubber mouth guard was placed in Samdogs mouth, so he would not bite through his own toung. The doctor turned to the nurse. "Start him on 50 voltes and we'll go from there". And so Samdog began the treatment. Will it work? Only time will tell.

[Axlegrease]

hahahahha, nice one dragon - that one was about as good as one of Sam's own stories, and cmon Sam!!! WE NEED MORE STORY!!!!

[Spawl]

I wouldn't expect Sam to post anymore. He is obviously out of ideas.

[TheHybrid]

you mean he's obviously been locked-up by the greek government for outing an employee of a defense company.

see this thread (http://forums.darkfallonline.com/showthread.php?t=17875) if you missed it

[SamDog]

I stood before Claus, trembling as his icy grey-blue eyes searched mine. I felt as if he were offering me something I really desired, if only I would give up my quest to change the code.

"Tell me, there were 4 of you that set out from the airport, tell me where is the third of your party?"

"He has fallen into....bum-barf", said Xenophobia.

"what, Oh, you mean bob? He slipped in some messy cream-corn barf on the way up to the agora and had to go back to the hotel and change. He isn't far off we are staying on the Rue de Roo. I can get him on his cell."

And then I looked into the eyes of an enemy and found understanding. "You are just what we need--newbies!" said claus with a sadistic chuckle. I saw several of the red-beret guys with long blond nordic hair glance at eachother with inside nods and sadistic smiles. They were the decendants of Viking Kings.

Soon enough bob and I were plopped down in front of two large workstations--nice big 22 inch flat panel displays with some very fancy headphones. The subwoofer was connected to the bottom of our chairs so that the deep vibrartions would tickle our...well, you know.

The Swarthy guy covered up his login ID (I think he typed in coIsaNt, but I can't be sure) and then said he was going to set me up a new character but first he had to delete one of his elves. Bob was already logged in (he was playing one of the fat ladies elves) by the time the Swarthy guy stepped away from the keyboard and said--"Okay, pick a name. Just don't pick Snort"

Then I thought back to some of the cheat code I had seen earlier, and typed in "Preston".

That name was already taken, aparently you need unique names in Darkfall. I tried to remember the other branch of the cheat code I had seen...some special logic about the characters "n" and "e"

So I typed in "Consume".

The music began to build in my ears, suddenly the screen went totally black...
and I began to see a series of images that I knew were all somehow related to my quest. I saw ships sailing out of the west, I saw what I thought was an old man walking down a road, I saw bob's ashen face, spattered in bum-barf. Then a terrible Eye I was slowly being drawn forward....

"Don't touch the monitor" Caustioned the Swarthy greek.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Darkmatter]

Hehe fun.. more.

[Rendar]

keep it coming

[Atnas]

Did I see something related to The lord of the rings in there?

[DeteSting]

Very good story so far, I can't wait untill your next installment.

[Spawl]

I was obviously wrong, I thought Sam had all but abandoned this thread.

[Unknewn]

Very good read :)

[SamDog]

I think it was T.S.Eliot who said a coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies but one.

It was now the third time I had tried to open the door to get out of the armor shop. Sure enough, I clicked the door, it seemed to flash open--but when I tried to move forward I couldn't, and the door would slam in my face.

I had spend 8 gold on some tattered leather leggings for my elf (who had a beech bow) and I wanted to get out of town and go shoot something. I had 40 alder arrows and I was ready to spread mayhem.

So I clicked the door three or four more times and I still couldn't get out of the shop.

The swarthy greek was behind me chuckling. "Vrosus gyro slanika!" was his comment.

Then he shook his fist at one of the red-beret guys (who was sitting at a work station in the next cubicle).

"Dansk vos toy DooDay!" the viking shouted back.

Sure enough I finally got out of the the shop. I saw a small dwarf (in a red beret) as I came out. He had been clicking the door closed as fast as I clicked door open.

This wasn't the first time I had come accross the viking dwarf either. Five minutes earlier he had offered to trade some flame arrows with me, as soon as the trade screen came up my client crashed. Evidently if you describe the trade with any character string that includes an underscore (I won't type it here since I am still underscore shy) your client crashes as soon as it is displayed. This goes for names too. I guess Claus was using a character with an underscore in his name and as soon as I clicked on him (to target or trade or talk) my client crashed too.

This was good for laughs all the way around--the first 3 or 4 times. Fortunately the Devs got bored after a while and let me play, well, at least they let my elf get to the armor shop.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Atnas]

Hooray!

[Zerikin Loukbel]

Nice stuff, keep it up.

[kehmesis]

Awesome, 2 in one day, I feel lucky.

[lok-tar-ogar]

not bad samdog good story i think you watch too much lotr though.

but very good

[Dragon Skull]

So, everyone wants to hear the rest of Samdog's stroy huh? Okay then, I think i know how it goes.


"Everything turned white. Samdog could only hear a eccoed voice through the fog. "Hey, come one, get up off the floor. Damnit, he's doing it again. Doctor, I cant get him up. Bring the orderlys," said a womans voice. The fog gradually cleared. Samdog began to see white padded walls. His arms were restrained in a straight jacket. The next thing he knew, two large men were hoisting him off the floor and putting him in a wheel chair. A man in a white lab coat stood before him. "You need to stop slipping in to that delisional world. Repeat after me, 'there is no dark fall, there is no claus, you were never in greece,' okay? Okay? Hmmm.... the medication doesnt seem to be working, time to try the ECT." And so Samdog was taken off for his electro convulstion therapy. "We never should have let him have internet access" said the Doctor. "The people he was chatting with seemed to have pushed him further into his delusional fantasy." When the reached the ECT therapy room, Samdog was strapped down to a gurney. Just then Samdog began to scream " I played it, I played the Darkfall alpha, please, please believe me, pleeeeeeaaasssseeee!!" "Of course you did", replied the doctor. A rubber mouth guard was placed in Samdogs mouth, so he would not bite through his own toung. The doctor turned to the nurse. "Start him on 50 voltes and we'll go from there". And so Samdog began the treatment. Will it work? Only time will tell.


The doctors watched Samdog through the two way mirror. "Poor bastard, the ECT didnt work. I think it made him worse. Now he thinks hes an elf!, said one of the doctors with a heavy heart. "I know Jim, I know. He just sits there day in and day out, talking to that wall, rambling on about something called Dark Fall. It is truely sad." "Well, Ted, what are we going to do? Is there no cure for this man?!? I cant watch this anymore!" With that, Jim stormed out of the room. Doctor Ted watched SamDog for about another minute then decided to try to talk some sence into his patient one more time. As he entered SamDogs padded cell, Samdog jumped to his feet. "CLAUS" He shouted, "I knew youd come!". Ted stepped back. "Tell them, Tell them I played the alpha, tell the forum people." Ted just looked at him. "Sam, there are no forum people, there is no dark fall, I am not Claus, Its me, Doctor Ted. Dont you remeber?" replied Ted. "Dont lie to me Claus, DONT LIE TO ME!!". Samdog was clearly agitated now and possibly violent. "Calm down now Sam, Calm down. Your not well. Youve gone insane. We are trying to help you." Samdog looked at Ted with a gaze that would scare even the most hardened of killers. Samdog came closer to Doctor Ted. Ted ran to the intercom. "Orderlies, ORDERLIES, COME QUICK, HELP ME!" Two orderlies burst into the room. doctor ted pulled a syringe from his coat pocket. "Restrain him, hold him down!", Said Ted as he pulled the cap off of the needle. Samdog began to scream wildly, "NO, NO, GET OFF OF ME, CLAUS, WHY?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?" Ted injected Samdog with the tranquilizer syringe. Samdog began to grow more and more quiet, untill he passed out. "My god, this man is truely mad." Just then, Doctor Jim came into the room. "I heard there was some problem, is everything all right, Ted?" Ted looked at Jim. "We may have to resort to some unorthodox measures to treat this patient." Clearly, things were not looking up for SamDog.

[SamDog]

First off Dragon Skull I want to tell You that I do so have a girl friend. Her number is (edited), and while it may be true that we haven't done "everything" together, it does not mean that that coudn't happen.

Second off, how do you define Girlfriend? I dont think you shoud be teh ultimate arbitrator of what is and isn't a girlfriend? right?

Third off, I think you had some mss-spellings in your last post. DOES THAT MEAN I THINK YOU ARE TWELVE HEARS OLD?

No. I have the curtesy to treat you like a 15 year old (or even more).

I am just saying that maybe you should not be so critical.

If I was in a padded cell, then would I hava acess to a computer?

How would I be posting on the internet?

Now I know you don't think you shoudl appoligioze, but are you so cool that you can hurt peoples feelings and that is jus OKay? I think not.

I am not saying I am better than you but I am saying that when u call someone a lyer and say they don't have a girlfriend (when the do, or when they could have a girlfirend if they don't mind over-weight inteligint women) then I think maybe you should think about your own situation.

This is not a flame or a Troll but I wish you would appoligize.

[Asmodeus]

First off Dragon Skull I want to tell You that I do so have a girl friend. Her number is (edited), and while it may be true that we haven't done "everything" together, it does not mean that that coudn't happen.

Second off, how do you define Girlfriend? I dont think you shoud be teh ultimate arbitrator of what is and isn't a girlfriend? right?

Third off, I think you had some mss-spellings in your last post. DOES THAT MEAN I THINK YOU ARE TWELVE HEARS OLD?

No. I have the curtesy to treat you like a 15 year old (or even more).

I am just saying that maybe you should not be so critical.

If I was in a padded cell, then would I hava acess to a computer?

How would I be posting on the internet?
he does have a point, and its a weekend and im half tempted to call that number and start harassing his girlfriend...

edit: 908 area code is New Jersey...

[Dragon Skull]

First off Dragon Skull I want to tell You that I do so have a girl friend. Her number is (edited), and while it may be true that we haven't done "everything" together, it does not mean that that coudn't happen.

Second off, how do you define Girlfriend? I dont think you shoud be teh ultimate arbitrator of what is and isn't a girlfriend? right?

Third off, I think you had some mss-spellings in your last post. DOES THAT MEAN I THINK YOU ARE TWELVE HEARS OLD?

No. I have the curtesy to treat you like a 15 year old (or even more).

I am just saying that maybe you should not be so critical.

If I was in a padded cell, then would I hava acess to a computer?

How would I be posting on the internet?

hehehe, dude chill out. Im just ripping on you. Learn to take a joke. Its all in good fun.

I dont think thats your girlfriends number, but im going to write it on bathroom stall walls anyway, just to be safe. Im sure there are alot of pervs out there who would love to have a womans number, if in fact she exisits, which I doubt she does.

Girlfriend: A female friend to either a male or female. Significant other of the female gender. Im guessing your definition doesnt match up. Remeber, it doesnt count if you call an inflateable doll your "girlfriend".

The spelling fuck ups, yeah im a lousy typer, sew me.

And as for you posting on the net, who says you really are? How do you know this isnt just a dilusion? How do you know you really arent in a padded cell, just thinking that your posting on some forums. How do you know im not really Dr. Ted? Wake up Sam, wake up. :D

[SamDog]

I dont think thats your girlfriends number, but im going to write it on bathroom stall walls anyway, just to be safe. Im sure there are alot of pervs out there who would love to have a womans number, if in fact she exisits, which I doubt she does.

How do you know this isnt just a dilusion? How do you know you really arent in a padded cell, just thinking that your posting on some forums. How do you know im not really Dr. Ted? Wake up Sam, wake up. :D

First off, Don't write that number in a bathroom, I mean all kinds of perverts takin a dump might get ideas.

Second off, I am not taking this all so seriously, I mean, I know it is all about a game that hasn't come out, that has a board where people post their ideas right?

As for how I know this is not an isllustion, let me ask you this?

Solve :

F''+2f'+ f=0.

If you are anyone else can solve this ( its a linear differntial equation) then I will continue to think I am sane.

[Ichikun]

Where F is some function F(x) and F' is the derivative with respect to x. Give the complete (all linearly independent terms) solution.

Could it be,

F(x)= x^2 ? ? ?

if not then you are insane

he he he he

[Dragon Skull]

First off, Don't write that number in a bathroom, I mean all kinds of perverts takin a dump might get ideas.

Second off, I am not taking this all so seriously, I mean, I know it is all about a game that hasn't come out, that has a board where people post their ideas right?

As for how I know this is not an isllustion, let me ask you this?

Solve :

F''+2f'+ f=0.

If you are anyone else can solve this ( its a linear differntial equation) then I will continue to think I am sane.

DONT WRITE IT ON THE WALL? BUT I HAVE TO NOW!! ITS MY DUTY AS A JERK!! And I dont shirk my duties.

Good dont take is seriously, you'll have more fun that way.

As for the math thing, I was a psychology major, I sucked at math.

[SamDog]

Where F is some function F(x) and F' is the derivative with respect to x. Give the complete (all linearly independent terms) solution.

Could it be,

F(x)= x^2 ? ? ?

if not then you are insane

he he he he

If it were x**2 then

f''=2
f'=2x
f=x**2
so f''+2f'+f=2+2x+x**2 which is clearly not zero

You need to use what they call an indicial polynomial

Or assume you can exand f as
an infinate polynomial--ie it is analytic

but a good first try none-the less

As for Dragonskull

I think you should swallow your pride and just appoligize. I have been in the wrong and I have realized I was wrong I have said I was sorry in those cases. It seems like a big deal, but in the end you will feel better And I will too,

[Ichikun]

It was my mistake i have a degree in computer science wich basicly means i know how to use www.google.com

and i found the solution on the net but i didn

[Dragon Skull]

If it were x**2 then

f''=2
f'=2x
f=x**2
so f''+2f'+f=2+2x+x**2 which is clearly not zero

You need to use what they call an indicial polynomial

Or assume you can exand f as
an infinate polynomial--ie it is analytic

but a good first try none-the less

As for Dragonskull

I think you should swallow your pride and just appoligize. I have been in the wrong and I have realized I was wrong I have said I was sorry in those cases. It seems like a big deal, but in the end you will feel better And I will too,

Swallow my pride? Hmmmm, what is this pride of which you speak?

[SamDog]

[QUOTE=Ichikun]It was my mistake i have a degree in computer science wich basicly means i know how to use www.google.com

and i found the solution on the net but i didn

[Dragon Skull]

Anyway, Samdog, why did you post that number? You are apparently an intelegent person. Why would you make such a mistake? Phone numbers can be tracked to the exact address they are affiliated with.

[Atnas]

Oh no, don't kill him!

Besides, Dragon Skull, you don't seem to be joking at all.

[Tug]

Elizabeth & Sam Martin
xxxxxxx
Summit, NJ 07901-3417
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

Where are the mods? this is just too easy to abuse.

[Xnedra]

F''+2F'+F=0

Solve the the equation x=(-b+-Sqr(b^2-4ac))/2a
and obtain that there is only ONE root in the solution, namely

x=-1

then the general solution of the differential equation is on the form:

y = C*e(rx) + D*x*e(rx)

y = C*e(-x) - D*e(-x) (this would be the most general solution)

You are hereby declared sane =p

[Crae]

Elizabeth & Sam Martin
xxxxxxx
Summit, NJ 07901-3417
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

Where are the mods? this is just too easy to abuse.


I Thought it was Sam F. Martin? Or was that the wrong listing? ;)

[Tug]

Sam Martin.
SamDog.

Hrm, he either has the same name as his girlfriends dad (about a 1.7% probability) or he's lying to make himself look cool (on teh internet? NO WAY.)

1.7% is one of those statistical anomalies that show up, where two random people picked from the US population have a 1.7% chance of having the same first name. Just a little useless trivia :)

Mods plz delete algebra posts (and this my posts) so that SamDog can get on with the story :P

[kehmesis]

It was my mistake i have a degree in computer science wich basicly means i know how to use www.google.com

That's funnier than one would think. Yes, I got that degree, too. Yes, google is also my friend.

[Ultimo]

That's funnier than one would think. Yes, I got that degree, too. Yes, google is also my friend.


lol oh the humanity of hours of searching api and syntax. yes, google is my very good friend as well.

[SamDog]

F''+2F'+F=0

Solve the the equation x=(-b+-Sqr(b^2-4ac))/2a
and obtain that there is only ONE root in the solution, namely

x=-1

then the general solution of the differential equation is on the form:

y = C*e(rx) + D*x*e(rx)

y =y = C*e(rx) + D*x*e(rx) (this would be the most general solution)

You are hereby declared sane =p

You get a big star. If it were holloween I would paste an orange pumkin on your paper, if it were thanksgiving, I would paste a turkey.

So I can now continue the story since I know I am not in a padded cell.

The tricky part of this is what do do when the indicial polynomial has a degenerate solution which Xnedra answered corectly.

As an excercise, try assuming F can be expanded analytically (ie an infinite but countable polynomial)

Suppose F=SUM (from 0 to Inf) of a(sub i)x**i
note that F' is then....? u tell me.
and what is x*F... u tell me.

also u no how to expand e**(-x)=SUM(0 to inf) (1/i!)*x**i and that the derivative of x**i=i*x**(i-1)

[Atnas]

Less chatting, more story.

[AllmightyEOD]

And it wasn't re-opened for a reason?

Mods locking threads is one thing, because it is their job to moderate and keep a lid on, but what is up with readers wanting threads locked? It's the easiest thing in the world to just skim and move on if it doesn't interest you.

The OP is writing a funny piece about Darkfall; I'm glad Surly is going to let us enjoy more of it.

Isnt there a proper forum for stories though no matter how interesting. This one will just get buried in the mounds of noob questions.

[Retlaw_]

Less chatting, more story.

for real, who really cares want other ppl think anyway? damn your pride and just got on with the story, and btw, math sucks!

[lok-tar-ogar]

wow i like the storys but DONT RIP THEM APART WITH EXXECIVE NAGGING AND BITCHING ABOUT MUNDANE DETAILS PPL fuck your ruining a good story

[Ulcis Cor]

First off, Don't write that number in a bathroom, I mean all kinds of perverts takin a dump might get ideas.

Second off, I am not taking this all so seriously, I mean, I know it is all about a game that hasn't come out, that has a board where people post their ideas right?

As for how I know this is not an isllustion, let me ask you this?

Solve :

F''+2f'+ f=0.

If you are anyone else can solve this ( its a linear differntial equation) then I will continue to think I am sane.

I'd like to take a stab at this one. (Even though someone already solved it. :D)

eehehem!

So long and thanks for all the fish!

/bows

[SamDog]

The third time I killed a swamp-rat I was down to half-HP and I just didn't care if the Viking Dwarf looted it first.

I gained 7 and 7 skill points anyway, and who cares about 2 gold and a rat pelt?

You get two kinds of skills points as you play, one of them goes immediately into what you are doing (the bow in my case) and the other can be spent any way you like.

I could put my 7 skill points anywhere I wanted (at least the basics, you need to see an NPC or complete some quests to open up certain skills).

I put them all into aim. It stabalizes the aiming cross-hair.

The first person point of view took a little while to get used to. I never new when the Viking dwarf was right behind me, then as soon as the rat dropped dead he would dash out and loot it. You both can't loot at the same time btw. Once a corpse is "opened" for looting you can take your time and nobody else can open it.

On my way back to town to buy some more arrows (i was down to just 5) I came accross a player killing a rather large swamp creature. It looked kind of like a water-buffalow.

When I clicked on him, I could see it was Preston, fighting for his life with the beast.

"Will you back me up?" I ask the silent kill-stealing dwarf in the red beret.

He didn't answer and I was tempted to send him a "will_you_back_me_up" but I wasn't sure if it would crash my client as well.

So just as Preston was about to finish off the buffallo I started launching arrows into him.

The first one went wide, but the next two hit right on. Nice jucey splats of blood appeared and I was hoping to get my first PK in.

Then I think he panicked and he turned to run, the bufallo and I both chased him down toward the swamp river and sure enough he aggroed another
Bufalo.

Since his stamina was way down he couldn't dash for long and the second buffalo caught him right by the river. No more Preston.

I waited for the two bovines to wander off and then ran up to grab the loot.

Lots of Gensing and Garlic, a little flask with something in it that I could not identify (you need ID skills in Darkfall, I didn't have a clue what the scimitar was either). I did get some nice studded leather armor, and I could wear it so I was very pleased. 80 gold didn't hurt either. Then I spied a sort of half-eaten crust of bread. It was wet and salty.

"Hey, I don't get my armor back I am going to freeze this thread."

it was a message from preston.

"What do you mean?" I asked (I was very puzzeled since I wasn't sure which thread he was talking about.

"Look I am a mod, I can edit or freeze your thread. If I don't get my stuff back you won't write another word."


TO BE CONTINUED

[CoolWaters]

hehehe, dude chill out. Im just ripping on you. Learn to take a joke. Its all in good fun.

I dont think thats your girlfriends number, but im going to write it on bathroom stall walls anyway, just to be safe. Im sure there are alot of pervs out there who would love to have a womans number, if in fact she exisits, which I doubt she does.

Girlfriend: A female friend to either a male or female. Significant other of the female gender. Im guessing your definition doesnt match up. Remeber, it doesnt count if you call an inflateable doll your "girlfriend".

The spelling fuck ups, yeah im a lousy typer, sew me.

And as for you posting on the net, who says you really are? How do you know this isnt just a dilusion? How do you know you really arent in a padded cell, just thinking that your posting on some forums. How do you know im not really Dr. Ted? Wake up Sam, wake up. :DYou appear to be not only attention starved, but gullible as well. Continue the ownage Samdog.

[Atnas]

Hey, you are going against the very basics of Darkfall! You are not supposed to be able to place them out, those skill points! Damnit!

[SirBlood]

SamDog, go on...........

[Sokal]

Elizabeth & Sam Martin
xxxxxxx
Summit, NJ 07901-3417
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

Where are the mods? this is just too easy to abuse.

They are fine hard-working people in New Jersey.

[Atnas]

I had completely forgot about this thread.
Go on SamDog, keep us posted!

... or did Preston kill you!? Noooo!

[Rhynn]

Hahaha, Preston's got Sam locked in a liil room somewhere until he gets his armor back. Evil summmbitch I tell ya. Gotta love him. ;)

[Consume]

hmm.. after reading the last few stories... this is getting awsome. except that you said your name was Consume? I'm gunna be pissed if i can't use that name in-game lol. otherwise all of this seems to be real and it's fuckin awsome.

WE ALL WANT MORE.

[KingHussien]

Great stuff.

[SamDog]

As dry leaves, that before the wild hurican fly, upon meeting an obsticle they mount to the sky.

So the poet claims.

Four or five bufaloes later and I had my aim up to 30. I couldn't really kite them, since my run skill was still down around 9, but each bufaloe drops a horn, and you can use these to make a better bow.

The crafting system is really neat--the depth of the game is quite frankly aweswome.

First you get the horn off the dead beast (you need the butcher skill for this and I put 5 into it). At only 5 it takes ... well, 5 tries to get the horns "intact". If I had a higher butcher skill I am pretty sure I do better than "intact" but for now it will have to do.

You also need good leather for the bow string--and I don't have the tanning skill and probably won't get it. Fortunately, Preston let me have a few slices off his nagahide (you get nagahide in the Naga range which is west of carpool).

"Hey samdog", he said, "I am gunna let you back on your thread--but don't think that means I forgive you for ripping Eleador off in Shadowbane."

Once you have decent naga-hide and the buff-alow horns you need to back-bend the horns which requires--a back-bender.

Now there are dwarves who will bend over backward to sell you one, but I am an elf and it is at least a 40 minute run from the elf capitol to the nearest dwarf settlement.

"Okay, so just take a boat."

Ships in darkfall are very expensive, but they are also good transport and you can collect resources with them too. You don't have to stand around loading them up either, you just park them at a loading worf, set the load parameters to what you want, and 40 hours later (real time) boom you have full hold.

A very valuable hold.

The elves have really good basic wood (which you need for housing, fort and trebuchet construction) and the dwarves have some fine stone (which you need for real walls and just about everything else).

The Marmidon guild are elves ( and I think they are mostly moderators on this forum and the trusted few etc) and they built the first boat in the alpha. You need iron for the nails, canvas, and lots and lots of wood. Thats why the elves got the first boat.



TO BE CONTINUED

[kehmesis]

Wow, I'm starting to wonder if you actually did play the game. This interesting and funny story actually turned out to be the best (although probably invented) update we've ever gotten :)

[Jeraal]

i sure hope the actual game skills wont just be from 1-100, that would kinda suck.. a % system is far better, as in 50.1-50.2, makes you gain more, making it feel like you actually are making progress..anyway.. :p UO ftw

[Sonn Fere]

"The night before beta "
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
*scratches head*

[Khumash-Gor]

hmm.... can we get some more math up in here??

jk! good story

[SamDog]

hmm.... can we get some more math up in here??



Prove that 2**(.5) is not a rational number (ie it is an infinite decimal like pi).

Hint: Assume that 2**(.5)=a/b where a and b are integers and then find a contradiction. Remember that any integer can be represented as the multiplication of a bunch of primes and that a and b will have no common primes.

[SamDog]

The mouth of carpool harbor seems to be under a perpetual fog. The narrow entrance forces the utmost concentration in steerage, especially at night.

Our elven boat was a kind of cog, big and roomy, but slow.

We didn't know the alfar were there until flameing arrows torched our main-sail. They were firing off the high bluff to the west of the carpool narrows and there was no way we could put about in the narrows.

Only one player mans the helm in Darkfall, but the responsiveness of the craft is scaled to the cumulative "sailor" skills of all the parties on board. Needless to say, the marmidon had not been at sea enough to up their sailor skills by much (and many of them had the skill shut off, so as not to waste points on it at all). This makes a large craft like our cog very hard to handle.

I was on the bow sponson with the balista and we tuned it to fire on the bluff. Just as the second bolt shot off into the dark we were hit by some kind of major fireball spell and the concussion through me over-board and into the wine-dark sea.

My swim skill is "elf-default", I assume they will fill in the name for it when they get around to thinking something up. For now, elf-default means you have to drop all your weapons or you will sink, even in leather armor.

From just under the waters surface I could see the flaming ship's light reflected off the bluff and I was at half HP when I finally came up for air and headed for the eastern side of the carpool narrows. Here I touched down on terra firma just intime to see two small craft boarding the cog. I wish I could have seen how it turned out but I had agroed some kind of lizard thing and since I had no weapons I just ran north into the woods and leave the sounds of battle behind.

TO BE CONTINUED

[comppi]

Keep up the good work SamDog, I think everyone here enjoys reading ur story !

[KingHussien]

SamDog is a member of the Adventurine development team. Possibly a programmer. And hes been writing this story to keep us updated of DarkFall in a strange, but entertaining way. Something to keep us busy, if you will.

[Kai Strator]

Havn't been around in a while, but i must admit reading your posts have gotten me pumped about DF again..

[SamDog]

You quickly realize how important a city is in Darkfall, once you find yourself far from one without armor or weapons or food. You don't have to eat, but it keeps your stamina recovery time at "elf_default".

I had no idea how long it would take me to work my way back to inhabited lands--the nagahide warf at Carpool was abandoned and I found no sign of the Cog (or of any alfar). It turns out the Cog was sunk with great loss of life--but you can never say die to the marmidons. They went to some kind of ring of stones where you can cast ritual spells and they had enough combined points in water magic to raise the vessel and salvage some of the hold. It took the sacrifice of 7 water bufalo nose-rings.

But my situation was pretty dire. I was still near carpool and while I didn't see any alfar I wouldn't expect to see them until it was too late so I decided not to hang around Carpool and I struck out west for the Naga range. On the way I tried my hand at crafting an ash spear ( no real point, just a sharp stick and I eventually gave it up for a club).

Along the coast I brained a bunch of cute white-pelted seals and upped my skill. You can actually name a weapon when you craft it, give it a little description (and it is automatically attributed to you as the craftsman). Unfortunately I wasn't too proud of "club med" or my seal-skin cap and "diver dan" boots.

Then my big chance came and I clubbed some kind of midget in the Naga foothills and took his knife and buckler. I was fully on my way to a full inventory of weapons, and I mannaged to bring down a young Naga, so I had what I needed for my bow.

TO BE CONTINUED

[CoolWaters]

The updated and compiled works of Samdog:

I was in Athens last week with my girlfriend. We were sitting at the accropolis eating something with spinach in it and she asked me if I had ever had sex in a semi-public place.

I was about to answer when I saw Claus strole by in a red beret.

She saw that I was distracted and she tried to pull me behind a pillar, but I shrugged her off and followed the man in the red beret. Was it really Claus? I wasn't completely sure.

The man ambled past the Temple of the standing Koroi and paused to light a cigarette. He took a few puffs and then tossed the cigarette on some marble stairs. He then sauntered off. I ran up and grabbed the still lit cigarette.

I don't normally smoke, but this was different. I just couldn't resist taking a puff. After all, the cigarette had probably been in a pack in his pocket while he was play testing Darkfall, so it was something anyway.

"You don't smoke!" said my girlfriend. "Whats gotten into you? If the idea of semi-public sex embarasses you well, okay, but don't just get up and walk away."

My mind was on other things though. The man in the red beret was now down in the agora, so I hurried after him.

"hey..." she called after me.

I caught up to him just as he passed through the tourist gates and headed on down the Rue de Roo (its named after Kanga and Rue but greeks have a hard time pronoucing Kang so its just called the Rue de Roo).

Sure enough, just as I suspected he stopped by a music store window and pretended to be eyeing the bagpipes--in fact he was looking for reflections in the glass. It was as if he knew he was being followed.

I stopped and pretended to be watching this really beautiful woman who was bending over to tie her shoe.

Sure enough, he moved on down a slight alley and opened the red fire door below a fire escape. The door closed slowly and just before it shut I mannaged to insert by Platenum card so the bolt wouldn't catch.

I waited breathless for several minutes. Had he noticed.

"Okay, well, this alley is certainly kind of deserted." she said in a husky suggestive voice, coming up behind me in.

"Jesus! you scared the crap out of me!" I was so startled.

"what the f*** is wrong with you SamDog?"

But my mind was on other things, I generly tried the door.

Luck was with me, the door opened and I stepped inside closing the door in the face of my friend who looked mostly puzzled as she fumbled in her purse for her Platenum card.

I was inside! I had made it to the back door of the Athens office. I could smell Darkfall in the air. I crept down a vaulted hallway past a bronze statue of Richard Garriot...

There is a time in each man's life, they say,
when he is the master of his fate--if has the
will to sease it.

Thoughts like these ran through my mind as I came
to a juncture in the long vaulted hall. I was about to turn
left when I heard the distinct sound of an opening soda can
and peak around the corner to spy the man in the red beret
refreshing himself with Greek Root Beer. He paused for a few moments
listening intently--in the distance I could hear voices.
He tossed the soda into the trash and headed off toward
the noise.

I crept forward, seased my chance, and took the last swig
from the leaking can.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Turning sharply I saw my girlfriend brandishing her
platinum card. With a finger to my lips I cautioned
silence and the two of us krept down the hall and out onto
a balcony.


It was all reminescent of a James Bond film. I looked
down from my hidden perch at 21 people toiling among
monitors, 7 wore red berets, and 7 wore blue berets, and
one fat lady wore jeans.

But ohhh, what a treasure I saw in the monitors. Great
landscapes and hedious creatures, small curmudgeon dwarves
ensconsed in encrusted caves--and I saw crust too, but that
was beside the coffee mug on the desk, not on the monitors.

I recognized Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 Version
8.0.50727.42 (RTM.050727-4200) The Professional Edition
in Debug mode. It was difficult to be absolutely sure
from such a distance, but it looked to me like the short
swarthy guy with his back to us was monitoring these variables:

*inc_gold (which had a null value)
n_counter (which was a 4byte signless integer with a value of 13)


Three routines were in the stack (It looked like other routines
were above these in the scroll window)

Mob_drop (which was a function in the class animae)
Get_loot_from_loot_pool (which looked like it was some kind of
global function -- (and a suspect programming practice if I may
say so))
Place_loot_on_corpse (which was in class animae too)

And then I saw it!!! The line of code just before the break point
was

inc_gold+=animae.get_gold();

For some reason the swarthy guy just didn't see it, I wanted
to cry out the bug for all to hear. I opened my mouth and started to
scream....

But the scream died on my lips. I saw something far more sinester
in the code. A complete betrayal.

They say that you never really know anyone until you have either gone
into battle with them, or through child-birth.

Well, I can say I certainly don't know Claus.

There in the code inside an animae.get_gold routine was the line


if(P_name=="Claus" || P_name=="Brannoc" ||
P_name=="Preston" || ((P_name[2]=="n") & (P_name[6]=="e")))
{
gold_drop*=BOOST;
}

My heart sank. I couldn't see the value of BOOST in the header file,
but I was pretty sure it was some number greater than one.

I hate to admit it, because I pride myself on being a manly man,
but a large tear welled up in my eye and slowly rolled down my nose--it
hung there for a moment,reluctant to drop. My ideals had been
shattered and then the tear let go, plunging
slowly over the balcony onto a crust of bread.

Claus was a cheater.

Sensing my mood My girl friend gave me a slow and mornful pat on the
back.

My world went very black for a long long time. They say that you
cannot know despair until you have burried a lover or a child, but
oh brothers, believe me, I knew despair. It was the loving understanding
of my girlfriend that brought me back from that deep abyss and
into the world again, reforged and ready to take action.

"We must change the code." I said, grimly tying a bandana on my head
rambo-style and synching up my sleaves.

"What did he say?" I whispered to my greek-speaking norwegean girlfriend.

"He said his coisant was wet and salty."

The swarthy guy tossed the damp crust into the refuse bin, stood up and
stretched and walked away to flirt with the exotic graphic designer
in cubicle 11.

We had decided that Xenophonia (my girlfriend) would pose as a graphic
designer 3D monster-maker expert on the wrong day for an interview.

I gave her the thumbs as she slid quietly over the ledge and dropped
cat-like among the programmers.

She engaged the fat women in blue-jeans in idle chat and
they decided to interview her immediately.

In the course of the interview she was able to edit the mahirim in
the all-fours stance and gave them a slightly darker color. Claus was
particularly interested in the fact she could speak, Greek, Norwegian,
English, C++, and APL. They were very pleased with the new Mahirim too.

I felt a twinge of jealousy when they offered her a job right on the spot
and wanted to give her a signing bonus too.

Now, I know that I may not know greek and all that other stuff (and my
C++ is a little shoddy too, (i get class.method and instance->method mixed
up sometimes) but I had always thought I was man enough to let the
woman I went out with be better at some things than I was.

But there it was, a twinge of jealously and envy. I found myself wishing
I went out with a bimbo I could easily control and manipulate. And then
it occurred to me that it was Xenophonia's idea to come to greece in
the first place and I saw a pattern in which I was the bimbo that she went
out with because I was easy to control.

Then I remember a few nasty demands she made in bed and my confidence
began to slide even further. I was just about to get ready to slink
back to our Hotel on the Rue de Roo when I became aware that Claus and
most the red-beret crowd were looking up at me while Xenophonia pointed
up at me.

I stood up, smiled shyly and waved in a small submissive manner...

I stood before Claus, trembling as his icy grey-blue eyes searched mine. I felt as if he were offering me something I really desired, if only I would give up my quest to change the code.

"Tell me, there were 4 of you that set out from the airport, tell me where is the third of your party?"

"He has fallen into....bum-barf", said Xenophobia.

"what, Oh, you mean bob? He slipped in some messy cream-corn barf on the way up to the agora and had to go back to the hotel and change. He isn't far off we are staying on the Rue de Roo. I can get him on his cell."

[CoolWaters]

And then I looked into the eyes of an enemy and found understanding. "You are just what we need--newbies!" said claus with a sadistic chuckle. I saw several of the red-beret guys with long blond nordic hair glance at eachother with inside nods and sadistic smiles. They were the decendants of Viking Kings.

Soon enough bob and I were plopped down in front of two large workstations--nice big 22 inch flat panel displays with some very fancy headphones. The subwoofer was connected to the bottom of our chairs so that the deep vibrartions would tickle our...well, you know.

The Swarthy guy covered up his login ID (I think he typed in coIsaNt, but I can't be sure) and then said he was going to set me up a new character but first he had to delete one of his elves. Bob was already logged in (he was playing one of the fat ladies elves) by the time the Swarthy guy stepped away from the keyboard and said--"Okay, pick a name. Just don't pick Snort"

Then I thought back to some of the cheat code I had seen earlier, and typed in "Preston".

That name was already taken, aparently you need unique names in Darkfall. I tried to remember the other branch of the cheat code I had seen...some special logic about the characters "n" and "e"

So I typed in "Consume".

The music began to build in my ears, suddenly the screen went totally black...
and I began to see a series of images that I knew were all somehow related to my quest. I saw ships sailing out of the west, I saw what I thought was an old man walking down a road, I saw bob's ashen face, spattered in bum-barf. Then a terrible Eye I was slowly being drawn forward....

"Don't touch the monitor" Caustioned the Swarthy greek.

I think it was T.S.Eliot who said a coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies but one.

It was now the third time I had tried to open the door to get out of the armor shop. Sure enough, I clicked the door, it seemed to flash open--but when I tried to move forward I couldn't, and the door would slam in my face.

I had spend 8 gold on some tattered leather leggings for my elf (who had a beech bow) and I wanted to get out of town and go shoot something. I had 40 alder arrows and I was ready to spread mayhem.

So I clicked the door three or four more times and I still couldn't get out of the shop.

The swarthy greek was behind me chuckling. "Vrosus gyro slanika!" was his comment.

Then he shook his fist at one of the red-beret guys (who was sitting at a work station in the next cubicle).

"Dansk vos toy DooDay!" the viking shouted back.

Sure enough I finally got out of the the shop. I saw a small dwarf (in a red beret) as I came out. He had been clicking the door closed as fast as I clicked door open.

This wasn't the first time I had come accross the viking dwarf either. Five minutes earlier he had offered to trade some flame arrows with me, as soon as the trade screen came up my client crashed. Evidently if you describe the trade with any character string that includes an underscore (I won't type it here since I am still underscore shy) your client crashes as soon as it is displayed. This goes for names too. I guess Claus was using a character with an underscore in his name and as soon as I clicked on him (to target or trade or talk) my client crashed too.

This was good for laughs all the way around--the first 3 or 4 times. Fortunately the Devs got bored after a while and let me play, well, at least they let my elf get to the armor shop.

The third time I killed a swamp-rat I was down to half-HP and I just didn't care if the Viking Dwarf looted it first.

I gained 7 and 7 skill points anyway, and who cares about 2 gold and a rat pelt?

You get two kinds of skills points as you play, one of them goes immediately into what you are doing (the bow in my case) and the other can be spent any way you like.

I could put my 7 skill points anywhere I wanted (at least the basics, you need to see an NPC or complete some quests to open up certain skills).

I put them all into aim. It stabalizes the aiming cross-hair.

The first person point of view took a little while to get used to. I never new when the Viking dwarf was right behind me, then as soon as the rat dropped dead he would dash out and loot it. You both can't loot at the same time btw. Once a corpse is "opened" for looting you can take your time and nobody else can open it.

On my way back to town to buy some more arrows (i was down to just 5) I came accross a player killing a rather large swamp creature. It looked kind of like a water-buffalow.

When I clicked on him, I could see it was Preston, fighting for his life with the beast.

"Will you back me up?" I ask the silent kill-stealing dwarf in the red beret.

He didn't answer and I was tempted to send him a "will_you_back_me_up" but I wasn't sure if it would crash my client as well.

So just as Preston was about to finish off the buffallo I started launching arrows into him.

The first one went wide, but the next two hit right on. Nice jucey splats of blood appeared and I was hoping to get my first PK in.

Then I think he panicked and he turned to run, the bufallo and I both chased him down toward the swamp river and sure enough he aggroed another
Bufalo.

Since his stamina was way down he couldn't dash for long and the second buffalo caught him right by the river. No more Preston.

I waited for the two bovines to wander off and then ran up to grab the loot.

Lots of Gensing and Garlic, a little flask with something in it that I could not identify (you need ID skills in Darkfall, I didn't have a clue what the scimitar was either). I did get some nice studded leather armor, and I could wear it so I was very pleased. 80 gold didn't hurt either. Then I spied a sort of half-eaten crust of bread. It was wet and salty.

"Hey, I don't get my armor back I am going to freeze this thread."

it was a message from preston.

"What do you mean?" I asked (I was very puzzeled since I wasn't sure which thread he was talking about.

"Look I am a mod, I can edit or freeze your thread. If I don't get my stuff back you won't write another word."

As dry leaves, that before the wild hurican fly, upon meeting an obsticle they mount to the sky.

So the poet claims.

Four or five bufaloes later and I had my aim up to 30. I couldn't really kite them, since my run skill was still down around 9, but each bufaloe drops a horn, and you can use these to make a better bow.

The crafting system is really neat--the depth of the game is quite frankly aweswome.

First you get the horn off the dead beast (you need the butcher skill for this and I put 5 into it). At only 5 it takes ... well, 5 tries to get the horns "intact". If I had a higher butcher skill I am pretty sure I do better than "intact" but for now it will have to do.

You also need good leather for the bow string--and I don't have the tanning skill and probably won't get it. Fortunately, Preston let me have a few slices off his nagahide (you get nagahide in the Naga range which is west of carpool).

"Hey samdog", he said, "I am gunna let you back on your thread--but don't think that means I forgive you for ripping Eleador off in Shadowbane."

Once you have decent naga-hide and the buff-alow horns you need to back-bend the horns which requires--a back-bender.

Now there are dwarves who will bend over backward to sell you one, but I am an elf and it is at least a 40 minute run from the elf capitol to the nearest dwarf settlement.

"Okay, so just take a boat."

Ships in darkfall are very expensive, but they are also good transport and you can collect resources with them too. You don't have to stand around loading them up either, you just park them at a loading worf, set the load parameters to what you want, and 40 hours later (real time) boom you have full hold.

A very valuable hold.

The elves have really good basic wood (which you need for housing, fort and trebuchet construction) and the dwarves have some fine stone (which you need for real walls and just about everything else).

The Marmidon guild are elves ( and I think they are mostly moderators on this forum and the trusted few etc) and they built the first boat in the alpha. You need iron for the nails, canvas, and lots and lots of wood. Thats why the elves got the first boat.

The mouth of carpool harbor seems to be under a perpetual fog. The narrow entrance forces the utmost concentration in steerage, especially at night.

Our elven boat was a kind of cog, big and roomy, but slow.

We didn't know the alfar were there until flameing arrows torched our main-sail. They were firing off the high bluff to the west of the carpool narrows and there was no way we could put about in the narrows.

Only one player mans the helm in Darkfall, but the responsiveness of the craft is scaled to the cumulative "sailor" skills of all the parties on board. Needless to say, the marmidon had not been at sea enough to up their sailor skills by much (and many of them had the skill shut off, so as not to waste points on it at all). This makes a large craft like our cog very hard to handle.

I was on the bow sponson with the balista and we tuned it to fire on the bluff. Just as the second bolt shot off into the dark we were hit by some kind of major fireball spell and the concussion through me over-board and into the wine-dark sea.

My swim skill is "elf-default", I assume they will fill in the name for it when they get around to thinking something up. For now, elf-default means you have to drop all your weapons or you will sink, even in leather armor.

From just under the waters surface I could see the flaming ship's light reflected off the bluff and I was at half HP when I finally came up for air and headed for the eastern side of the carpool narrows. Here I touched down on terra firma just intime to see two small craft boarding the cog. I wish I could have seen how it turned out but I had agroed some kind of lizard thing and since I had no weapons I just ran north into the woods and leave the sounds of battle behind.

You quickly realize how important a city is in Darkfall, once you find yourself far from one without armor or weapons or food. You don't have to eat, but it keeps your stamina recovery time at "elf_default".

I had no idea how long it would take me to work my way back to inhabited lands--the nagahide warf at Carpool was abandoned and I found no sign of the Cog (or of any alfar). It turns out the Cog was sunk with great loss of life--but you can never say die to the marmidons. They went to some kind of ring of stones where you can cast ritual spells and they had enough combined points in water magic to raise the vessel and salvage some of the hold. It took the sacrifice of 7 water bufalo nose-rings.

But my situation was pretty dire. I was still near carpool and while I didn't see any alfar I wouldn't expect to see them until it was too late so I decided not to hang around Carpool and I struck out west for the Naga range. On the way I tried my hand at crafting an ash spear ( no real point, just a sharp stick and I eventually gave it up for a club).

Along the coast I brained a bunch of cute white-pelted seals and upped my skill. You can actually name a weapon when you craft it, give it a little description (and it is automatically attributed to you as the craftsman). Unfortunately I wasn't too proud of "club med" or my seal-skin cap and "diver dan" boots.

Then my big chance came and I clubbed some kind of midget in the Naga foothills and took his knife and buckler. I was fully on my way to a full inventory of weapons, and I mannaged to bring down a young Naga, so I had what I needed for my bow

Had to be broken into two parts due to massiveness. : p

[Chungo]

Thanks Coolwaters!!

[Senthryse]

OMG this is better than those developer stories!

[Khumash-Gor]

as the mob would say: MORE!

[kehmesis]

Welcome to the new generation of Travels on Agon!

I love it.

[Retlaw_]

thanks coolwater, that will help many-a-noob find out wants going on, nice story samdog, getting better as you go, alfar are the best!!

[Consume]

they just keep getting better and better. he keeps giving details about how you manage your skills and skill points. it's very awsome i love it keep em coming please.

[Ichikun]

I recomend that the boards admin copy paste the full story to a sticky thread wich cannot be repplied onto, so that the story is easier to read

This thread has had more views than most of their sticky threads.

[Akill]

thats a fact, if they were read more often then we would have alot less locks put on threads

[SamDog]

I guess the Naga Midgets are some kind of hobit with a mud-hut tech level. I killed afew more and then came accross a whole nest of them. Their little faces were just so scrunched up in rage when I bounced a large bolder down on one of their huts.

Evidently my standing with the midgets is being tracked and they chased me off with lots of little rocks from their slings. I got some salt off one of them and what looks like a pepper shaker (my sneeze skill was too low to ID it) off another before I had to leave the area. This is good because these are key ingredience to some of the more important craftable food items, (that and a kind of red sauce you find in the swamps in Morak).

Sure, the livin was easy in the Naga range, but I had the feeling I was wasting my life away near these midgets and their walden pond. I began to suspect that I must be in a really newbie area that I had now outgrown.

I was just about to set out for some big peaks I could see away to the north when I heard loud voices from the cubicle next to me.

"How do you know Microsoft Source Safe is safe?" asked Xenophobia

"Look, you really don't understand how we keep track of the source code here at adventine."

"Even the very good programmers and the wise cannot say for sure. You see, the code from source safe shows what code has been, what code there is, and even that code that will never be unless the user should turn aside and change her link."

I kinda thought he was hiding something in telling Xenophobia this--he sounded like he was trying to seem confident, when down deep inside he had very big misgivings. I was tempted to peak over the edge of my cubicle to see who this guy was when Bob screamed out loud.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Consume]

as the little kids would yell: "more, more, more!"

very good samdog i expect more when i get home god damnit! =D

[Retlaw_]

as the little kids would yell: "more, more, more!"

very good samdog i expect more when i get home god damnit! =D

lol for real, dude, when i got home as well, and alot more that just that! for a time there you were really writing alot man, keep it up dude!

[kehmesis]

Once again, great read. Thanks SamDog.

(Give this guy a +50 rep already) ;)

[SamDog]

Thereau tells us that the most men lead lives of quiet desperation.

Bob was desperate, but he wasn't quiet.

"That Effing little viking dwarf has the cave exit blocked." He looked at my terminal and pointed with fear.

Several small mud-hobits were whacking my knees with clubs, I hadn't noticed them but I was still at 95% health.

Bob couldn't stand watching them whack me so we switched chairs and he began to torment the locals of the Naga range.

The fat lady in blue jeans had a pretty good character named Florin Wink. He was a pretty advanced Elf with real weapons and he didn't have to take crap from anybody--mutch less a viking dwarf. I had several special bow skills, and lots of range, so I backed off down the tunnel from the cave exit for my first shot (I figured the dwarf would try to close the range once he realized Bob was no longer running the show).

The first shot knocked his berret off his head and he was thrown to the ground. I used low shot to the leg so he would be slowed as he got up and groped his way toward me. "Capitol Blow" killed him dead as a doornail about 10 feet in front of me.

"you are getting a bad rep." said Bob, you can't kill dwarves, they are allied with the elves and humans.

"Big effing deal." I looted some really nice chain mail off the little monster and picked up his cap. The alignment hit was either more severe than I expected or Wink had already been killing dwarves for some time.

"You're gunna have to join the Mercs or Combine now. I think you are KOS to the NPC guards." said Bob sheepishly (there were three mud-hobits pounding his knees now).

My bad alignment had brought down the Marmidon's (Wink was a member) net alignment rating as well. I kind of felt bad about that, since the net guild alignment effects all kinds of things, from how well they can craft certain kinds of weapons to how easily they combat Necromancers after dark under twin full moons. The right thing to do was to break my ties with the guild, go errant, and head for Silver Town.

I felt like Captain Kirk ordering the automatic destruction sequence as I clicked the drop guild button.

"ARE YOU SURE" the nasty red messaged flashed at me.

With hopeless resignation, I left my guild and emerged from the cave to a hostile world.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Grindle]

bump, goooood stuff

[Carnivorus]

Only one thing to say about this;
Brilliant! :D

Keep it coming.;)

[Consume]

nice very good stuff... as always very pleasing

i gotta subscribe to this damn thread.

[Atnas]

It's not until now that I notice that your nickname also is consume... is it a conspiracy!?

[Slyder]

One of the most entertaining threads in a long time. Keep up the good work samdog.

[Preston]

Hahaha, this is great stuff. I'm impressed with the level of game knowledge. ;)

[:+:+DarkAngel+:+:]

Samdog sounds like a Beta tester, escaping the clutches of the NDA to spread good fortune on these boards.
Hail to the Messiah!!!!

[Lendle]

Very interesting story!! Been fun to read.


Obviously some of it is not true.. but i really want to know if he really did play the beta.

[Slyder]

At this point i dont care whether or not this is fake, its at least something to keep our interest while we wait.

[Figrix Voidstar]

I've only just now read this thread and the amazing story of SamDog - up to this point. I must say it's been an excellent read!

The first 5 pages had me gut laughing (and not just from the story) but then the adventure of SamDog really started to pull me in, so I skim-scanned the rest of the replies so I could read the good bits :)

Moar!

*edit* Dragon Skull...

If only you would actually practice the 4th example given in the 'Playstyle' portion of your user info.

Good story of yours though ;)

[Swerve]

I dont believe this crap for one second. Heres why:

1.) why the hell would Claus let him play the game, he doesnt even know him.

2.) How did he even know it was Claus?

3.) I doubt claus would even speak to some nut case who smoked his discarded cigarett and followed him around. Thats stalking if I ever heard it. In all odds the poor person he was following had him arrested and they spent the night in jail. Every thing the poster speaks of was a dream or psychotic dillusion.

4.) he said he had a girlfriend. A blatent lie if I ever heard one.

Bottom line, this story is 100% pure grade F bullshit. The person who started this thread is obviously insane and a compulsive liar. I say to the poster of this thread, Seek profesional help and stop living in a fantasy world. You did not meet Claus nor do you have a girlfriend. Its not too late, you can get help!

Umm I do believe his post is tongue in cheek. You however.....