Jokes your arse off!!!

[JonnnyHavoc]

prob been done b4 but fook it.

Write your best jokes etc.

nothing to flithy please unless its a brillant joke and worth the effort.:rolleyes:

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. 'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'


not mine but thought i'd put an example

[Badem]

Whats the height of cruelty?

Running through an orphanage shouting 'my dads better than your dad'

whats teh height of stupidity?

Throwing a brick through a window then asking for it back

[Killuminati]

*throws tomatoes at OP*

[JonnnyHavoc]

*throws tomatoes at OP*

you know you love me, don't act like you don't.

[tallefred]

Kind of an old one but still good.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side

[Slashduel]

A blonde was sitting in the train station reading the paper. The headline read, 12 Brazilian soldiers killed in shoot out.

She turned to the man next to her and asked, "How many is a brazilian?"

[stalwart]

seriously. the first one cracked a smile.

the other jokes in this thread are fucking stupid.


all i know really are toasts...

Here's to acting single,
Drinkin doubles,
And seein triple.




May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.




Here's to women's kisses,
And to whiskey, amber clear.
Not as sweet as the kisses,
But a damn sight more sincere.

[ZeroFX]

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think we care.

[Golden_Knight]

one day a man drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. The man went up to the farmer and said, "Excuse me sir, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?
"Well" the farmer said "one night when my whole family was asleep the house caught on fire. That pig came in to my room and woke me up and then pulled 2 of my children from the burning house". "Oh that's horrible" said the man "did the pig get injured in the fire?". "No" said the farmer... the man replied "well then what happened to the poor pig?". "Well" said the farmer "a pig like that is too good to eat all at once"

Not mine but its a classic... I may have screwed it up a little its been a long time since I used it