Thaeds
01-22-2009, 07:25 AM
I found something in my gmail account that made me think a lot about my life, and gaming. I'm posting this because I figure that there are people here who could use some perspective on their own lives. Especially today, the day before Darkfall comes out. You can make fun of me if you like and I will enjoy the lols as much as you.
I wrote this six years ago, when I was sixteen, and playing EverQuest. You can skip to the part with "***" if you don't want to read it all.
The date is May 22nd 2003. The location, my room, London, England,
sitting quietly at my computer in a semi-catatonic state. Only
occasionally remembering to blink. Most assuredly a calm, passive
state to be in. At least to the outside observer. But what they can't
tell, is that I'm not in my room. I'm not even in England. I'm deep
underground in the Qeynos Catacombs searching an elusive monster by
the name of Qbert. Every moment of my being consumed with
life-threatening decisions. I cannot drop my guard for even a second
and have any hope of surviving. Exhausted from a previous fight I have
no choice but to rest and regain my composure. Casting fearful glances
in all directions, like a mouse ready to leave its hole, I search for
potential danger. The walls to my sides remind me of a coffin,
defining, and absolute. The ceiling is low, scraping my head in some
places. The only thing warding off claustrophobia is a dim light at
the end of a long, but meager hallway. This is a false illusion
however, toward the light awaits nothing but a band of thugs, who
would end my life just as quickly as anything I may flee to them from.
But the light comforts me nonetheless. When satisfied safety is to be
had at the moment, I grudgingly adjust myself and prepare to sit down.
The ground slides easily beneath my feet, coated in sewage and blood.
Several corpses lay just around the corner, but I've long since grown
used to such sights. Pushing the world out of my mind momentarily, I
attempt to recover myself. Footsteps. Boots, heavy boots, coming from
around the corner! With much effort I awaken from my meditation,
instantly realizing that I assumed safety too soon, and that this
mistake could cost me my life. Sure enough a sentry spots me, and with
a precise blow to my side cleaves me in two. Lying on the ground I
feel my life flow out of my ribs. In the world of EverQuest, there is
a low tolerance for failure, and I know I have failed.
***Glancing at my watch, I notice it's 9:11pm. I have a paper due
tomorrow that I have not even started, and I know it will take my a
few hours to complete. I should log off and recover from my
embarrassment tomorrow. I should. I don't. I appear back in town,
without any of my items. To get back to my body and recover my
belongings takes the help of several willing strangers, and over an
hour. By the time I am ready to start fighting through the catacombs
again, its 10:40pm, I look at my watch, and note the time, but I've
conditioned myself not to realize its significance. To do so would end
my adventure prematurely. Ever vigilant, I begin again, fighting my
way through the catacombs. A plan that met with failure or success
always ends badly.
1:22am I can no longer hold my eyes open for any significant duration
of time. It's time for bed. For a brief moment my mind vaguely
considers the paper due tomorrow. A very brief moment. After all, who
can even think about writing an understandable sentence at this hour,
in this state of mind, much less an entire paper? The thought actually
amuses me briefly before my attention drifts back to my bed, and
softer, warmer, pillowy, comforting things…
Not to my surprise I wake up late for school. I'll skip breakfast,
leave my hair unbrushed and only be ten minutes late. It's not like
this happens every day, and I can make up the paper with a negligible
penalty. I'll just have to do a really good job to balance it out. No
harm done.
After spending my waking hours at school psyching myself up in
preparation of my paper I finally arrive home. Ready as I've ever been
in my life to get to work, honestly. I set down my backpack and am
about to open it, when I coincidentally decide I am hungry. Assessing
the pro's and con's of delaying my work just long enough to eat, I
decide I had best limit all possible distractions before I get to
work, including hunger. I prepare a fairly large snack, as is my usual
habit, and make my way back to my room. Only this time the food seems
to have averted my attention, and I casually sit down at my computer,
ignorant of the absolutely dedicated mindset I held only moments
earlier. The words "LOADING, PLEASE WAIT" greet me as I enter my
virtual playground, and calm any still-lingering doubts that my trip
to the kitchen may have missed. In the back of my mind I scream,
hoping that I can snap myself out of the hypnosis exacted on me by
this game, in vain however, like always.
Somehow, in my junior year, I managed to pass all my classes. I
accredit this to my incredible intelligence, for it was surely not
thanks to hard work, good study habits, or effort that I managed
through. Nevertheless I was rewarded well – almost three full months
off school, and I had tickets to the hottest show, every night, and
every day, whenever I had a waking moment I could log onto my computer
and become absorbed in my virtual world, without having to worry about
schoolwork, or grades. I took full advantage of this gift. In a few
short months school would start again, this time in America though,
and I had to make the most of my time, while I had it.
I knew I was starting school in the States next year, but the idea
that we would have to actually pack up and move that summer never
crossed my mind. Which is why it came as a shock to me when two weeks
after school let out I found myself packing up my computer, and
sending it off to some unknown destination in another country. I can't
say I felt any strong emotions whatsoever in doing this, after all,
it's just a computer.
The next two months were spent bouncing around America visiting
family, renewing ties and doing odd favors for elderly aunts and
uncles. I did a lot of work during the summer, repairing this and
that, mowing too many lawns to count, cutting brush, chipping paint,
dry walling bathrooms, sanding, and many other less exciting household
chores. But I enjoyed the change of pace. When we finally moved into
our new house in Virginia, got setup in school, and received our sea
freight from London, containing among other things, my computer. I had
been without my fantasy world for more than ten weeks.
I never really even missed it, and after logging in once or twice more
I couldn't tell you what I ever saw in the game. I soon sold my
account for a cool two grand, and moved on with my life. This was just
last summer, but it seems much, much further away.
This experience has changed my life much more than anyone can hope to
understand, so you'll have to take my word for it. I've experienced
something that a select few people in the world will ever experience,
absolute dedication. At least that's what I like to refer to it as.
You may call it addiction, I don't mind. I stopped defending it long
ago, I recognize now that defending it is futile, since any good
habits I gained from this experience are easily counterbalanced by my
new ability of unfailing procrastination in almost all aspects of my
life. However, no matter how much bad has come of it, I am still left
with a mind full of good memories of dungeons, dragons, mages and
magic - like my aunts and uncles in Tennessee, I reminisce of the
past, unable to live it again.
And here is something I wrote just now, I haven't edited it much so sorry if it reads crappily, but it's the follow up to what's happened in my life since.
Um, so after I moved to the states I went to my senior year of highschool, I started playing WOW, literally barely passed, I had some Ds that should have been Fs (my SATs are r670 w610 m800 btw), and took a year off after highschool to do nothing but GM my guild. I played WOW every day all day for about 14 hours or so. To my credit, it wasn't so much that I loved WOW, it was that I loved GMing my guild. We were the top on our server and learned the game from Lucifron to Nefarian to AQ and BWL bosses, and I managed to get us through countless hard times in the process. Yadda yadda.
Then two and a half years ago I started community college. I didn't have any idea what I was doing, but I knew that it wasn't going to include games in it. I quit all games, WOW, online games, even console games, my guild disbanded without me. I still didn't dedicate myself completely to school, I spent a lot of time goofing around on the internet, but it was alright.
I got mostly As in school. I started to get some actual social interaction going, as I pretty much spent the last 16 months alone in front of my computer. I still didn't have any real life friends, which isn't as bad as it sounds. I have moved 10+ times in my life so I was used to gaining/losing friends, it's just hard to make new ones when you're in front of your computer all day long.
I also got the balls to sign up for online dating. Online dating is more trouble than it's worth, but if you are afraid of asking girls out in real life, I highly suggest it to build social skills. I went out with several different girls, some more than once even. I started to talk to girls more in real life as well.
Last fall I switched my major to mechanical engineering, got some more As, and took (among others) physics over the summer. I met a girl in my physics class and got her number, well, I gave her mine and she reciprocated.
Our first date was on the fourth of July, and we were going to go out on my dad's boat with my dad and his girlfriend and watch fireworks, but it was raining lots, so we went for a walk waiting for the rain to stop, I grabbed her hand and we ran across the sand and sat in someones back yard and watched the storm.
Later we went back to my house and watched some fireworks from my roof, which was not nearly as romantic as it sounds, as they were really far away. Lots of stuff went wrong on that date, but it didn't matter, because we kept seeing each other.
When school started that fall she was going to UVA, and I was finishing my last semester in community college. Her school was about two and a half hours away, so we stayed together. We saw each other about every three weeks. We spent a lot of time together during Christmas break as well.
That was about a month ago. I'm now at Georgia Tech, the fourth ranked school for Mechanical Engineering in the country (remember I barely passed high school?), and we're still together. I've already made some friends here, which is a plus. Social situations don't scare me anymore, and I'm more than comfortable flirting and talking with girls. There's a good chance my girlfriend is going to transfer here so we can be together, but if we break up, the only thing keeping me from finding someone else, is getting over her. As it should be.
Anyway, I thought maybe some people would like to read that to help them get some perspective on their own lives. I really only posted it in the hopes that it will help someone here, as I think right when Darkfall is releasing is a good time to take stock of your life.
I resisted a very large temptation to bel-air you guys, I hope you appreciate it!
tl;dr
Step 1: Quit Games
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!
I wrote this six years ago, when I was sixteen, and playing EverQuest. You can skip to the part with "***" if you don't want to read it all.
The date is May 22nd 2003. The location, my room, London, England,
sitting quietly at my computer in a semi-catatonic state. Only
occasionally remembering to blink. Most assuredly a calm, passive
state to be in. At least to the outside observer. But what they can't
tell, is that I'm not in my room. I'm not even in England. I'm deep
underground in the Qeynos Catacombs searching an elusive monster by
the name of Qbert. Every moment of my being consumed with
life-threatening decisions. I cannot drop my guard for even a second
and have any hope of surviving. Exhausted from a previous fight I have
no choice but to rest and regain my composure. Casting fearful glances
in all directions, like a mouse ready to leave its hole, I search for
potential danger. The walls to my sides remind me of a coffin,
defining, and absolute. The ceiling is low, scraping my head in some
places. The only thing warding off claustrophobia is a dim light at
the end of a long, but meager hallway. This is a false illusion
however, toward the light awaits nothing but a band of thugs, who
would end my life just as quickly as anything I may flee to them from.
But the light comforts me nonetheless. When satisfied safety is to be
had at the moment, I grudgingly adjust myself and prepare to sit down.
The ground slides easily beneath my feet, coated in sewage and blood.
Several corpses lay just around the corner, but I've long since grown
used to such sights. Pushing the world out of my mind momentarily, I
attempt to recover myself. Footsteps. Boots, heavy boots, coming from
around the corner! With much effort I awaken from my meditation,
instantly realizing that I assumed safety too soon, and that this
mistake could cost me my life. Sure enough a sentry spots me, and with
a precise blow to my side cleaves me in two. Lying on the ground I
feel my life flow out of my ribs. In the world of EverQuest, there is
a low tolerance for failure, and I know I have failed.
***Glancing at my watch, I notice it's 9:11pm. I have a paper due
tomorrow that I have not even started, and I know it will take my a
few hours to complete. I should log off and recover from my
embarrassment tomorrow. I should. I don't. I appear back in town,
without any of my items. To get back to my body and recover my
belongings takes the help of several willing strangers, and over an
hour. By the time I am ready to start fighting through the catacombs
again, its 10:40pm, I look at my watch, and note the time, but I've
conditioned myself not to realize its significance. To do so would end
my adventure prematurely. Ever vigilant, I begin again, fighting my
way through the catacombs. A plan that met with failure or success
always ends badly.
1:22am I can no longer hold my eyes open for any significant duration
of time. It's time for bed. For a brief moment my mind vaguely
considers the paper due tomorrow. A very brief moment. After all, who
can even think about writing an understandable sentence at this hour,
in this state of mind, much less an entire paper? The thought actually
amuses me briefly before my attention drifts back to my bed, and
softer, warmer, pillowy, comforting things…
Not to my surprise I wake up late for school. I'll skip breakfast,
leave my hair unbrushed and only be ten minutes late. It's not like
this happens every day, and I can make up the paper with a negligible
penalty. I'll just have to do a really good job to balance it out. No
harm done.
After spending my waking hours at school psyching myself up in
preparation of my paper I finally arrive home. Ready as I've ever been
in my life to get to work, honestly. I set down my backpack and am
about to open it, when I coincidentally decide I am hungry. Assessing
the pro's and con's of delaying my work just long enough to eat, I
decide I had best limit all possible distractions before I get to
work, including hunger. I prepare a fairly large snack, as is my usual
habit, and make my way back to my room. Only this time the food seems
to have averted my attention, and I casually sit down at my computer,
ignorant of the absolutely dedicated mindset I held only moments
earlier. The words "LOADING, PLEASE WAIT" greet me as I enter my
virtual playground, and calm any still-lingering doubts that my trip
to the kitchen may have missed. In the back of my mind I scream,
hoping that I can snap myself out of the hypnosis exacted on me by
this game, in vain however, like always.
Somehow, in my junior year, I managed to pass all my classes. I
accredit this to my incredible intelligence, for it was surely not
thanks to hard work, good study habits, or effort that I managed
through. Nevertheless I was rewarded well – almost three full months
off school, and I had tickets to the hottest show, every night, and
every day, whenever I had a waking moment I could log onto my computer
and become absorbed in my virtual world, without having to worry about
schoolwork, or grades. I took full advantage of this gift. In a few
short months school would start again, this time in America though,
and I had to make the most of my time, while I had it.
I knew I was starting school in the States next year, but the idea
that we would have to actually pack up and move that summer never
crossed my mind. Which is why it came as a shock to me when two weeks
after school let out I found myself packing up my computer, and
sending it off to some unknown destination in another country. I can't
say I felt any strong emotions whatsoever in doing this, after all,
it's just a computer.
The next two months were spent bouncing around America visiting
family, renewing ties and doing odd favors for elderly aunts and
uncles. I did a lot of work during the summer, repairing this and
that, mowing too many lawns to count, cutting brush, chipping paint,
dry walling bathrooms, sanding, and many other less exciting household
chores. But I enjoyed the change of pace. When we finally moved into
our new house in Virginia, got setup in school, and received our sea
freight from London, containing among other things, my computer. I had
been without my fantasy world for more than ten weeks.
I never really even missed it, and after logging in once or twice more
I couldn't tell you what I ever saw in the game. I soon sold my
account for a cool two grand, and moved on with my life. This was just
last summer, but it seems much, much further away.
This experience has changed my life much more than anyone can hope to
understand, so you'll have to take my word for it. I've experienced
something that a select few people in the world will ever experience,
absolute dedication. At least that's what I like to refer to it as.
You may call it addiction, I don't mind. I stopped defending it long
ago, I recognize now that defending it is futile, since any good
habits I gained from this experience are easily counterbalanced by my
new ability of unfailing procrastination in almost all aspects of my
life. However, no matter how much bad has come of it, I am still left
with a mind full of good memories of dungeons, dragons, mages and
magic - like my aunts and uncles in Tennessee, I reminisce of the
past, unable to live it again.
And here is something I wrote just now, I haven't edited it much so sorry if it reads crappily, but it's the follow up to what's happened in my life since.
Um, so after I moved to the states I went to my senior year of highschool, I started playing WOW, literally barely passed, I had some Ds that should have been Fs (my SATs are r670 w610 m800 btw), and took a year off after highschool to do nothing but GM my guild. I played WOW every day all day for about 14 hours or so. To my credit, it wasn't so much that I loved WOW, it was that I loved GMing my guild. We were the top on our server and learned the game from Lucifron to Nefarian to AQ and BWL bosses, and I managed to get us through countless hard times in the process. Yadda yadda.
Then two and a half years ago I started community college. I didn't have any idea what I was doing, but I knew that it wasn't going to include games in it. I quit all games, WOW, online games, even console games, my guild disbanded without me. I still didn't dedicate myself completely to school, I spent a lot of time goofing around on the internet, but it was alright.
I got mostly As in school. I started to get some actual social interaction going, as I pretty much spent the last 16 months alone in front of my computer. I still didn't have any real life friends, which isn't as bad as it sounds. I have moved 10+ times in my life so I was used to gaining/losing friends, it's just hard to make new ones when you're in front of your computer all day long.
I also got the balls to sign up for online dating. Online dating is more trouble than it's worth, but if you are afraid of asking girls out in real life, I highly suggest it to build social skills. I went out with several different girls, some more than once even. I started to talk to girls more in real life as well.
Last fall I switched my major to mechanical engineering, got some more As, and took (among others) physics over the summer. I met a girl in my physics class and got her number, well, I gave her mine and she reciprocated.
Our first date was on the fourth of July, and we were going to go out on my dad's boat with my dad and his girlfriend and watch fireworks, but it was raining lots, so we went for a walk waiting for the rain to stop, I grabbed her hand and we ran across the sand and sat in someones back yard and watched the storm.
Later we went back to my house and watched some fireworks from my roof, which was not nearly as romantic as it sounds, as they were really far away. Lots of stuff went wrong on that date, but it didn't matter, because we kept seeing each other.
When school started that fall she was going to UVA, and I was finishing my last semester in community college. Her school was about two and a half hours away, so we stayed together. We saw each other about every three weeks. We spent a lot of time together during Christmas break as well.
That was about a month ago. I'm now at Georgia Tech, the fourth ranked school for Mechanical Engineering in the country (remember I barely passed high school?), and we're still together. I've already made some friends here, which is a plus. Social situations don't scare me anymore, and I'm more than comfortable flirting and talking with girls. There's a good chance my girlfriend is going to transfer here so we can be together, but if we break up, the only thing keeping me from finding someone else, is getting over her. As it should be.
Anyway, I thought maybe some people would like to read that to help them get some perspective on their own lives. I really only posted it in the hopes that it will help someone here, as I think right when Darkfall is releasing is a good time to take stock of your life.
I resisted a very large temptation to bel-air you guys, I hope you appreciate it!
tl;dr
Step 1: Quit Games
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!